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stupid mobile phone can now do Facebook but not Twitter, which is actually worse than being totally broken
my ex husband was born on leap day and was technically 6 and a quarter when we got married. insert your own joke here
doing online services helpdesk tomorrow. "have you tried switching it off and back on again?" I think thats what the 8hrs of training said
no wonder so many Americans are fat.Just looked for chicken recipes on Google and every one of them involved cream or cheese or both or porn
dear Santa can I have a pan cupboard that doesn't dump its contents on your head when you open the door? or wine, or a guinea pig
I'm over my 3 gin limit...somebody hide e-Bay
tried to pick out a bit of ham from my teeth with a receipt. i now have receipt AND ham jammed in my molars
Predatory women on social networking sites can go suck a dick.. just not my husbands
We saw a size 28 bikini in the shops the other day... why is this even a thing?
Are they giving a free gay with every purchase at Ikea today?
I've spent 7 days putting 65 sodding toys on eBay, got loads of abuse off buyers and made £200. Prostitution is way more cost efficient
I have to go to bed alone??? but there isn't enough red wine in the house for that
oxymoron shopping basket... bacon, red wine and a copy of Slimming World Magazine. That's how I roll!
I have nothing at all to be annoyed about today, but give me 2 minutes and I'm sure I can come up with something
I've lost the heel on one shoe so stealth attacks are out of the question this afternoon
Toothpaste but with wine chocolate and bacon stripes
I can't help sniffing his dirty t shirts when he's not here
Off to work in pants with an elasticated waistband for the team buffet
i have painted and varnished the whole room.. looks good, and my crane technique is almost perfect
dear metro skanks, i hope you get dog turd on your non-existant skirts. so you know why it's not cool to put your feet on the seat