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  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I think there should be a small amount of weed in every first aid kit.

    • 843
    • FAVS
    taimurharrisBook_KrazyfecicleNeon_DragongeishalynRummyLaudedla_odicearndhouse
    • 368
    • RETWEETS
    teddybearjaiBook_KrazythekerororistNeon_DragongeishalynMessyMarksfunTweetersadilahfatin
    xGingerAvengerVoiceofgarthFRANKSTALICIOUSfannypatch
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Have your people star my people.

    • 617
    • FAVS
    JSLauderdalesiennamoshehagglesworth______P8NT4Renragedpaigejeffreyvanclea1kimwilliamzgg21462
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    siennamoshejeffreyvanclea1kimwilliamzdzacharandairoggyiearmyantstudiosAlex_LaValleeJavi_Air
    1knotwhole
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My wife looks in the mirror and see's a mom. I look at her in the mirror and see the sexiest woman on earth.

    • 475
    • FAVS
    fecicleImaFlyontheWallenragedpaigejeffreyvanclea1TheShish_dal3soso435randomlady74kimwilliamz
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    brindastar123jeffreyvanclea1dal3soso435kimwilliamzblueeyed_girl46mommamouse03RayLivosiAndee_Stewart
    trialfemme
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My phone rang and it scared the shit out if me. Who the hell would call me on my hand held twitter device.

    • 408
    • FAVS
    fecicleImaFlyontheWallChuckyJonesShowCandyTripComicchelcieyes9siennamosheSAHMommyOf4hagglesworth______
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    danlextalMombrindastar123riotgrrl2xjeffreyvanclea1LockherupRNMaybe_TumorrowDharmaLisa920PeevedLife
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I wish I was a D.I.N.K., Duel Income No Kids. Sadly I'm a P.e.n.i.s., Parent Eating Noodles In Shame

    • 373
    • FAVS
    kimwilliamzgg21462SolelyB_mich126__________snowprincetteKirstensDeskmusicaddict75BlondAmbitionTO
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    _mich126__________PredatorGlobalAddedFatWildeThingyBoozieEyedJoeshenanaganshighwillie2pocketsMorningWoodman
    Canadana
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My wife asked how much should she drink tonight? I said, enough so that every answer is yes.

    • 326
    • FAVS
    kimwilliamzgg21462missingblakesSolelyB_mich126__________Oh_its_so_goodCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoe
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    LilMissRightykimwilliamzCpt_KarnageGrundyHeather____polorizeso_amusedDjKC_117twodogs2603
    BJewell_d________
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I like looking at my new sexy neighbour across the street but up close she's fugly. I hope her chain doesn't reach the street.

    • 287
    • FAVS
    kimwilliamzgg21462SolelyBCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoeiPopViagraDailyso_amusedEvilSchwartzie
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    hmcpherson17theballedtruthMaxine12333Favstar250Le_Voyageur_Nodine13__________keefers323kevnasto
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    The most expensive meal you will ever eat is pussy.

    • 244
    • FAVS
    fecicleImaFlyontheWallkimwilliamzfunnybeachgirlTheMoriartyTheSolelyB_mich126__________Cpt_Karnage
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    SolelyB_mich126__________UrielAtmospheretwodogs2603shenanaganshighTheTweetParrotwillie2pocketsTheCiscoKidder
    small_white______MaxxxNYC__________
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My 6 says I'm her bestest daddy ever. Sweetie, your not like the other kids in your class. You only have 1 daddy.

    • 242
    • FAVS
    SolelyB_mich126__________WildeThingyOh_its_so_goodCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoeiPopViagraDailyso_amused
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    _mich126__________EvilSchwartzieR15S5theballedtruthBulldog0613littlekitnerboyFUCKNWENDA________Le_Voyageur_
    1knotwhole
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I laugh at my own tweets

    • 237
    • FAVS
    kimwilliamzgg21462SolelyBWildeThingyOh_its_so_goodCpt_Karnageso_amusedEvilSchwartzie
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    kimwilliamzCpt_KarnagelittlekitnerboyhottampaLe_Voyageur_Capo_Di_ChaosMotgol11__________vivalamoi448
    DctorFun
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    It's safe to assume more pubes are shaved in February 13th than any other day of the year.

    • 196
    • FAVS
    ImaFlyontheWallSolelyB_mich126__________Oh_its_so_goodCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoeiPopViagraDailyso_amused
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    _mich126__________Cpt_KarnageCapo_Di_ChaosHateFucker________prehner_beanertheballedtruthZdiddy19ladyjazsjunk
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.

    • 194
    • FAVS
    ImaFlyontheWallSolelyBBoozieEyedJoeso_amusedEvilSchwartzieLakeoconeebldrgrimpossibleTomSchally
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    _Lindiscretion____shaden_als________NymphoFor________sassiemeow________littlekitnerboyGaietiesOfMind1knotwholeClosestThing
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    The only down fall to the blue pill is I have to pee standing up in the bathtub

    • 184
    • FAVS
    SolelyBBoozieEyedJoeiPopViagraDailyEvilSchwartziegrimpossibleIsitthattime______laffytakkyLindaInDisguise
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    hmcpherson17R15S5Capo_Di_ChaosComebackhead______Nodine13__________toddintime________JerrySuneagleGoGoTagg
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I'm cutting the tail off my dog, because my sister-in-law is coming over and I don't want her to see any signs of being welcome.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    ElvisDepresedlyChloestyloImaFlyontheWallpolygoncomedySolelyBgreciapapitasOh_its_so_goodCpt_Karnage
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    EGrafenbergImaFlyontheWallDoLaLeeDotwo1ohhbabydollBoozieEyedJoeGrundyHeather____so_amusedlaffytakky
    byronblurb
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I have a "W" tattoo on each of my butt cheeks. When I bend over it says WOW.

    • 171
    • FAVS
    SolelyB_mich126__________Oh_its_so_goodBoozieEyedJoeh_abuyaiPopViagraDailyso_amusedgrimpossible
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    _mich126__________BoozieEyedJoeDizzydaciousSamNullAHoundNamedAlbalaffytakkyR15S5nitegirrl_GAC
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Even the ugliest girl looks good bent over.

    • 168
    • FAVS
    ImaFlyontheWallSolelyBBoozieEyedJoeJJPOTUSiPopViagraDailyEvilSchwartzieBeenToHellPalgrimpossible
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    h_abuyamelrivelvickyvolcanicWalmartin2012TheCiscoKiddermeee_tuTheSlyLama_______SocialMediaBaba
    Comebackhead______
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    When you star fuck me, lick the screen because I like it wet.

    • 147
    • FAVS
    SolelyBOh_its_so_goodCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoeiPopViagraDailygrimpossibleIsitthattime______laffytakky
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    R15S5BeautifulVixen1GirrlGeniusDallianceDemureNodine13__________favstar1000favs_LUMPFRANKSTALICIOUS
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I like to think of myself as a professional star fucker. That's right my followers are stars.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    SolelyBOh_its_so_goodCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoegrimpossibleIsitthattime______laffytakkyLindaInDisguise
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    R15S5FUCKNWENDA________Le_Voyageur_Nodine13__________flutterby232______favstar1000favsDawnLovesZombie_LUMP
    JustCallMeFrank
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Ass, Cash, or Grass, nobody gets stars for free.

    • 119
    • FAVS
    dick_ishsassiemeow_________wangweTheCiscoKidderhmcpherson17R15S5DurtMcHurttSouthrnDelovely__
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6Randy_McMurphywesjohnson8favstar1000favsGoGoTaggfarleftcoastFavstar500FavsSpideroger
    wesjohnson8
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Behind every good man is a better woman, grinding her pussy on his ass and whispering I want you to fuck me.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    SolelyBOh_its_so_goodCpt_KarnageBoozieEyedJoeEvilSchwartziegrimpossibleIsitthattime______laffytakky
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    FUCKNWENDA________Melodic98pak248____________BigSlimTxHowardStearnSFN__Hectojackmanchild79SeminalVirgin
    KelFocker
@l1zerd

@l1zerd

A proud Canadian who enjoys a redheaded eager beaver, my wife.