Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My pleasure is your pleasure.
The only time we'll be apart today is when I have to poop and when she has to poop. In the end that will bring us closer together.
Who the fuck buys dirty panties? Don't you generate enough dirty laundry. You have to buy someone else's to have a full load?
Why can't I win the lottery in my sexual prime.
Turn your hat around, you're an adult not a fat ass twelve year old.
Anal sex, because you just want to know.
I wonder if my ex has had an affair on her husband yet?
I went to work with a banana in a gun holster just to let everyone know I'm gunning for good health.
Raw and sensitive would be the best way to describe my kid less weekend.
At my age it is getting harder to decipher between farting and moaning.
I dip my rainbow chocolate chip cookies in NeoCitran.
Do vegans swallow?
I said it before and I'll say it again. It's a two way street and I love driving down that road.
I slept through the alarm. I'm glad it was just a small fire.
My 10 year old asked, who gets their hair cut at Walmart? I said the same people who eat at Walmart.
I forgot how much fun hickies are.
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a hash brownie as fast as you can.
I'm back. I was going to ask what I missed, but I figured out that I missed 927 tweets in 22 minutes. Fuck you.