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  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My pleasure is your pleasure.

    • 1
    • FAV
    schumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    The only time we'll be apart today is when I have to poop and when she has to poop. In the end that will bring us closer together.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMeVerifiedDrunkschumyxxxlacrossemom5CanadianCyn
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Who the fuck buys dirty panties? Don't you generate enough dirty laundry. You have to buy someone else's to have a full load?

    • 1
    • FAV
    schumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Why can't I win the lottery in my sexual prime.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMeTMRojaschumyxxxAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Turn your hat around, you're an adult not a fat ass twelve year old.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    rose0justiceschumyxxxbigAtheVERB
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    bigAtheVERB
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Anal sex, because you just want to know.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    FuckItSend__unicornluvchildassiekaymrtruthandsoulGloGurLschumyxxx
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Noufal_ameengio845mrtruthandsoul
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I wonder if my ex has had an affair on her husband yet?

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Capo_Di_Awesomeschumyxxx_bodhi_23PORNOPINION
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I went to work with a banana in a gun holster just to let everyone know I'm gunning for good health.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    CallieBSpaideRuADorkLikeMeschumyxxxVerifiedDrunkfarleftcoastAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Raw and sensitive would be the best way to describe my kid less weekend.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    fannypatchschumyxxxElKnuckelhombreAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    fannypatch
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    At my age it is getting harder to decipher between farting and moaning.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMePolymorphicOnelacrossemom5_bodhi_23schumyxxxSillyBlonde1
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I dip my rainbow chocolate chip cookies in NeoCitran.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    PolymorphicOneschumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Do vegans swallow?

    • 2
    • FAVS
    PolymorphicOneschumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I said it before and I'll say it again. It's a two way street and I love driving down that road.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    PolymorphicOneblurryfotoschumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I've been banging the same piece of meat for 20 years. It's still just as juicy and tender as the day we met. Happy Birthday @fannypatch!

    • 2
    • FAVS
    schumyxxxDenOfDebauchery
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I slept through the alarm. I'm glad it was just a small fire.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    RuADorkLikeMeschumyxxx_bodhi_23BrutalParagon
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My 10 year old asked, who gets their hair cut at Walmart? I said the same people who eat at Walmart.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    schumyxxxfannypatchVerifiedDrunkblurryfotoCapo_Di_Awesome_bodhi_23LisaFarted
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I forgot how much fun hickies are.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23schumyxxxVerifiedDrunkLisaFartedAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
     
    Rock @l1zerd

    @ruadorklikeme rage against the machine.

    • 1
    • FAV
    RuADorkLikeMe
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a hash brownie as fast as you can.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    chapsmyanusRuADorkLikeMeschumyxxx_bodhi_23
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I'm back. I was going to ask what I missed, but I figured out that I missed 927 tweets in 22 minutes. Fuck you.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    fannypatch_bodhi_23theodohRisesjeffreyvanclea1PolymorphicOneschumyxxx
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    fannypatch
@l1zerd

@l1zerd

A proud Canadian who enjoys a redheaded eager beaver, my wife.