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  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Squirting with your legs open must be like sneezing with your eyes open.

    • 1
    • FAV
    schumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Is thinking about your ex wife's plane crashing the same as wishing it would?

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22schumyxxxIamAlfonsoolacrossemom5
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My ex wife's birthstone is lava.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    schumyxxxladyjazsjunklacrossemom5Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Gingerfilter
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I may be raw from last nights sexcapades, but I'm ready to go another 4 hrs...

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Fruit_Slingerfannypatchschumyxxxjkrambles
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    It's Friday and I'm getting so high tonight I'm going to forget my name, but I'll never forget hers.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    jkramblesschumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I must have the only dealer that has a Christmas sale.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    _dibbuk_SomeGothGayHolegreen_eyed_dollladyjazsjunkjkrambles_bodhi_23
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GayHole
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I like to tell my dealer his stuff is shit so he gives me samples of his new stuff.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ladyjazsjunk_bodhi_23
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My pleasure is your pleasure.

    • 1
    • FAV
    schumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I like to fantasy shop. Browsing the aisles and filling a cart with obscure items. Then abandoning it some where in the store.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    The only time we'll be apart today is when I have to poop and when she has to poop. In the end that will bring us closer together.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMeVerifiedDrunkschumyxxxlacrossemom5CanadianCyn
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Who the fuck buys dirty panties? Don't you generate enough dirty laundry. You have to buy someone else's to have a full load?

    • 1
    • FAV
    schumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Why can't I win the lottery in my sexual prime.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    UNCLEMIKETWEETSKeys_ToMeTMRojaschumyxxxAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Turn your hat around, you're an adult not a fat ass twelve year old.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    rose0justiceschumyxxxbigAtheVERB
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    bigAtheVERB
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Anal sex, because you just want to know.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    FuckItSend__unicornluvchildassiekaymrtruthandsoulGloGurLschumyxxx
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Noufal_ameengio845mrtruthandsoul
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I wonder if my ex has had an affair on her husband yet?

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Capo_Di_Awesomeschumyxxx_bodhi_23PORNOPINION
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I went to work with a banana in a gun holster just to let everyone know I'm gunning for good health.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    CallieBSpaideRuADorkLikeMeschumyxxxVerifiedDrunkfarleftcoastAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Raw and sensitive would be the best way to describe my kid less weekend.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    fannypatchschumyxxxElKnuckelhombreAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    fannypatch
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    At my age it is getting harder to decipher between farting and moaning.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Keys_ToMePolymorphicOnelacrossemom5_bodhi_23schumyxxxSillyBlonde1
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I dip my rainbow chocolate chip cookies in NeoCitran.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    PolymorphicOneschumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Do vegans swallow?

    • 2
    • FAVS
    PolymorphicOneschumyxxx
@l1zerd

@l1zerd

A proud Canadian who enjoys a redheaded eager beaver, my wife.