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  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I've been banging the same piece of meat for 20 years. It's still just as juicy and tender as the day we met. Happy Birthday @fannypatch!

    • 2
    • FAVS
    schumyxxxDenOfDebauchery
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I slept through the alarm. I'm glad it was just a small fire.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    RuADorkLikeMeschumyxxx_bodhi_23BrutalParagon
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My 10 year old asked, who gets their hair cut at Walmart? I said the same people who eat at Walmart.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    schumyxxxfannypatchVerifiedDrunkblurryfotoCapo_Di_Chaos_bodhi_23LisaFarted
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I forgot how much fun hickies are.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23schumyxxxVerifiedDrunkLisaFartedAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
     
    Rock @l1zerd

    @ruadorklikeme rage against the machine.

    • 1
    • FAV
    RuADorkLikeMe
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Bake me a hash brownie as fast as you can.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    chapsmyanusRuADorkLikeMeschumyxxx_bodhi_23
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I'm back. I was going to ask what I missed, but I figured out that I missed 927 tweets in 22 minutes. Fuck you.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    fannypatch_bodhi_23theodohRisesjeffreyvanclea1PolymorphicOneschumyxxx
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    fannypatch
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    OK I'm going to have a shower. I need everyone to stop tweeting until I get back.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23jeffreyvanclea1Cheeseboy22schumyxxxPolymorphicOne
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I know when your palm is itchy you're coming into money. What about when your taint is itchy?

    • 4
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23PolymorphicOneschumyxxxblurryfoto
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Finding a long hair in the crack of your ass Monday morning is a warm and fuzzy reminder of the weekends sexual adventures.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    fannypatch_bodhi_23PolymorphicOneschumyxxxFruit_Slingerredpawn3
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    fannypatch
  • l1zerd
     
    Rock @l1zerd

    @fruit_slinger Even the neighbours listen.

    • 1
    • FAV
    Fruit_Slinger
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    The scent of my wife on Sunday mornings motivates me to wash my face before anyone gets close enough to see the glazed look.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    RuADorkLikeMeFlashyfitzschumyxxxCapo_Di_ChaosPolymorphicOne_bodhi_23SkipperStevens
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Nothing says I love you more than buying panties for your wife after you've ripped off her last good pair.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    FlashyfitzschumyxxxAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    My biggest chore on Sunday mornings is to do a load of towels from the weekend's squirt fest. #reallifestruggles

    • 4
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23schumyxxxFruit_SlingerAvatar_unknown_48
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    Living with a squirter, you learn quickly, one towel is not absorbent enough no matter how many times you fold it.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23Flashyfitzkr_mccauleyRuADorkLikeMePolymorphicOneCzickenShackschumyxxxPrin_Lynn
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    The only time your fingers should be in your mouth, is after sex or to clean the cheesy dust after a family size bag of Cheetos.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23FlashyfitzCapo_Di_Chaosfannypatchandreaibuschumyxxx1knotwhole
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I'm not sure what is more depressing. Taking depression pills everyday or seeing how many more pill compartments until the weekend.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23OriginalCaseyElKnuckelhombreswollenvoicehadavan_schumyxxxAvatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    OriginalCaseyswollenvoice
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I resent the person who told me Kijiji had a free category.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    _bodhi_23swollenvoiceFruit_Slingerschumyxxx
  • l1zerd
      Rock @l1zerd

    I get paid to make shit for other people so I can buy shit made by other people. Now I work overtime because I have too much of your shit.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    redpawn3_bodhi_23FlashyfitzswollenvoicefannypatchtheodohRisesRuADorkLikeMeCapo_Di_Chaos
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    fannypatch
  • l1zerd
     
    Rock @l1zerd

    @chillbh32 @tmroja @smokediver191 haha good point. Some days it's quite a challenge to juggle both.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    TMRojasmokediver191chillbh32
@l1zerd

@l1zerd

A proud Canadian who enjoys a redheaded eager beaver, my wife.