@laage's (Martin G) most faved Tweets...
New rule: if you're planning a meeting longer than 45 min., it's not a meeting, it's a party, and Capt. Morgan will be on the attendee list.
When taking photos of shiny objects, make sure you wear pants—There, I've told you everything I know about the Internet. Now, fly bird, fly.
12
Who do you go to if you've got a catchy tune stuck in your head, but can't remember from which porno you heard it?
I'm asking for a friend.
I'm asking for a friend.
11
Shock & Denial;
Pain & Guilt;
Anger & Bargaining;
"Depression"/loneliness;
Commit;
Publish;
Denial.
—The 7 Stages of web development.
Pain & Guilt;
Anger & Bargaining;
"Depression"/loneliness;
Commit;
Publish;
Denial.
—The 7 Stages of web development.
11
“I am so scared, would you please hold me?” I quietly wept. “Go ahead and close Outlook,” He replied “you've been brave enough for one day.”
9
Fun fact about me: So far I've dated girls from three different nationalities.*
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* Assuming Hell is a nation.
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* Assuming Hell is a nation.
9
“Come with me if you want to live.”
Apparently not a good pickup line.
Some girls haven't seen Terminator…nor have every jury.
Apparently
Apparently not a good pickup line.
Some girls haven't seen Terminator…nor have every jury.
Apparently
8
Aw, she left before I got to my name. Perhaps I should put it earlier in my song; possibly bring it up somewhere before the first interlude.
7
Made a mistake at the gym today.
Anyways, if you guys wanna know what's in the girls locker room:
1) Nudity;
2) Screaming;
3) Lesbian sex
Anyways, if you guys wanna know what's in the girls locker room:
1) Nudity;
2) Screaming;
3) Lesbian sex
7
Girls, a pro tip: Just say thanks for the drink; it's only polite. Then talk about your awesome boyfriend; it'll safe us both a lot of time.
7
I've given the “not even if you were the last guy alive”-thing you said a lot of thought. Now, would it change anything if I became a woman?
7
The plan:
1) Workout for an extended period of time. Build muscles;
2) Stop the workouts;
3) Get to know what touching breasts feels like.
1) Workout for an extended period of time. Build muscles;
2) Stop the workouts;
3) Get to know what touching breasts feels like.
6
I've had it with you and your “that's actually quite bad for you”-attitude. Am I preaching while you cough blood? No! Lousy gym instructors.
5
It's been a while since anyone's done something for all of mankind.
The last time I recall was when I moved to Odense for all of your sins.
The last time I recall was when I moved to Odense for all of your sins.
5
#SpecialFollowFriday, srsly? Like getting #ff'ed wasn't hard enough—It's like almost having sex and hear that someone has invented ultrasex.
4
Most of my fb contacts are engaged while I can't seem to find a girl who can stand me for an evening.
What brand of chloroform do they use?
What brand of chloroform do they use?
4
Social conventions: Is it deemed too passive aggressive to download party pics from fb, photoshop yourself into the pics and re-upload them?
4
“Google Wave real-time collaboration, my ass.”
In fact, strike “Google Wave real-time.”
“Collaboration, my ass”.
Much better. Real-time.
In fact, strike “Google Wave real-time.”
“Collaboration, my ass”.
Much better. Real-time.
4
I saw an instructional diagram at the gym that said pull ups causes a rash on biceps, upper back and rear deltoids. But who would want that?
3
#NationalGrammarDay. English is clearly not my first language. Thanks for not calling the Grammar Cops while I have my way with your tongue.
3
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