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  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    When someone is telling me a story, I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my story that’s not only better, but involves me.

    • 431
    • FAVS
    wabash_prettyfusedudeBillhenry16ellenteemiss_saucytartmoxiebloggerTheTalkingPipeDickeyFuller
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeZeniolabakerUnJamalTheTalkingPipeTerryelpistole9StephenBCramerfavstar_historysarcasticmommy4
    pizzajaynowbillymeetsworldAlphaBelle________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people who feel confident.

    • 341
    • FAVS
    fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerRyanSaysWords4bodingbluemelody84thetwittelehythemafia
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeMycandleburnsBlindVigilLackOfShamesarcasticmommy4In_TwittalandMidlifecrisis18Mr_Puff_n_Stuff
    iam_timgingerfacedVoilaTyle________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    That thin line between "I should tweet that" or "I should talk to my therapist about that"...

    • 337
    • FAVS
    fusedudeBillhenry16bees_wingzvcxxvidirtydishtowelsStineOidiosityGibsonDonalgbsn
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeBillhenry16injariaidiositymikeinatxTheTalkingPipeARTPOPMarijuanaSunnySideUp1987
    GroperClevelandGetbentLA
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I have CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

    • 336
    • FAVS
    wabash_prettyfusedudelana_manilowBillhenry16StephenBCramerRandomAnticsLackOfShameLamontJoe
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudefltxnBillhenry16RyanSaysWordsjchele2013LackOfShamesarcasticmommy4cheersandcrowns
    MessJenkins
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    The whole "limiting myself to one glass of wine a day" thing is going really great. I'm like 5 years ahead of schedule.

    • 256
    • FAVS
    fusedudeTheBeerGuy73Billhenry16StephenBCramer4bodingsarcasticmommy4DaniellaKhoeiCharmandBrains
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeNigeriangodUnJamalBillhenry16benitttoFavstar250DaniellaKhoeiMidlifecrisis18
    RummyLauded
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I drink vodka because I don't like to keep things bottled up.

    • 255
    • FAVS
    baggzkcfusedudeBillhenry16concretesledge_GetongaStephenBCramerMidlifecrisis18CliffDuffy
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeGetongabenittto8Favstar250ShelbyJ_13_LittleMsBossy___NueroXTCGG246810
    colewagonerPaxochka
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsgreggoodman77BladesJRjrfusedudeBillhenry16ed_doranedgeof8Tampagirl613
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    BladesJRjrfusedudeBillhenry16larryelfinbizarrequotesTampaBayMommakingkumpzduncanbuldanz
    StephenBCramer
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I need to clean this living room. By clean, I mean drink wine & spray febreeze.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    fusedudeyouresuchamomLaniBenoMikeCullen73SacamanoBPetPinkElephantBillhenry16StephenBCramer
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    HShep101616fusedudeLaniBenoMikeCullen73chrisreidradioBillhenry16Midlifecrisis18Alyssa_Jolie__
    Billhenry16
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    A whore is just a woman who has the morals and values of a man.

    • 161
    • FAVS
    kevinbryfusedudesamafolabibobby_stantonBillhenry16StephenBCramerjohnbiehlTheMongoose69
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    kevinbryfusedudewhitefaced_aridniJimmylitanUnJamallana_manilowBillhenry16
    numbertzeOriginalNixster
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    "Eye of the Tiger" is playing and it's so motivating. I totally want to punch someone in the face right now.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    kevinbryfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerjohnbiehlCpt_KarnageCoastiefishsgtblueeyes
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    kevinbryfusedudeBillhenry16Peace18NDRSKGAlyssa_Jolie__AmandaVocaturolovemydogduck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Everything happens for a reason but sometimes that reason is that you're a moron.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    deceased2045alycamfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCrameramzmomrocksCliffDuffyCourt_Michelle1
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    HShep101616fusedude_LittleMsBossy___catcervenyAndyAsAdjectiveAlyssa_Jolie__BrynLynn37________claularrau
    FingDuck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Fine. Whatever. Nothing. -Things women say when they really mean "fuck you, you ignorant asshole, I hate & I want to stab you"

    • 116
    • FAVS
    deceased2045HShep101616fusedudeStephenBCramerSamKellyLoveCoastiefish72RICH72sgtblueeyes
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    HShep101616fusedudeSamKellyLoveAlyssa_Jolie__GeetikaGrangerAndswhatlovemydogduckWasARebel________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Someone at this party said twitter is a waste of time & is full of sociopaths...now I'm trying to figure out where to hide her body.

    • 114
    • FAVS
    beersudsfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramer_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanSteelFontanaTheMichaelRock
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeTinaWheeler44MafvtapatioSandraTolRivlovemydogduckfavstar1000favsTXFloormanWhite__Bait
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Just popped into Costco to pick up some detergent and now I'm out $800 and could open an Asian restaurant.

    • 109
    • FAVS
    fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerDr0p0fGoldenSun___TayTayJustineSteelFontanaNoLuckWantedcaptaincoximus
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    FulmerRobertfusedudeBillhenry16RangeelaDesiGreg444QuintanaGQatHUfavstar1000favsbollywoodfanmia
    GetbentLAFunny2BelvAndBourb
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    HIM: What do you need? ME: A Vodka Tonic w Lime. HIM: I meant out of life. ME: So did I :)

    • 129
    • FAVS
    deceased2045stacywawa1fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerCpt_Karnage_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBean
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudelovemydogduckfavstar1000favsFavstar500FavscherievannTraceOverlookTheLaughBankUglyHalfSister
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    If you consider going on a beer "run" as your form of exercise, we are going to be very, very close friends.

    • 111
    • FAVS
    fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerjohnbiehlDr0p0fGoldenSun__Coastiefishlifeitecture_TayTayJustine
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeBillhenry16Peace18Alyssa_Jolie__favstar1000favsJanWuzHere________lovemydogduckWasARebel________
    chowdersoop
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    There's no use in crying over spilled milk! Spilled vodka, however, totally normal to sob inconsolably.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    LivingEverywayfusedudeStephenBCrameralex_apatheticCoastiefish77Kevin11TurboJellyBeanSteelFontana
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudePeace18Alyssa_Jolie__hsm2sonsfavstar1000favsthebitchfileslovemydogduckobi_ian_kenobi
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Just because you have 400 friends on facebook doesn't mean people like you now, they just feel guilty for being mean to you in high school.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerSteveOHellNoRobbi123CoastiefishJesterpopo_________TayTayJustine
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSteveOHellNofavstar1000favsJesterpopo________Alyssa_Jolie__thebitchfilesAmandaVocaturolovemydogduck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    How come my iphone headphones always look like they had wild sex when I take them out of my purse?

    • 96
    • FAVS
    fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerRobbi123Coastiefish_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanSteelFontana
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeAlyssa_Jolie__litfirebirdlovemydogduckMyLoveGoesDown____nowarrantyMegannxo3jodymiIls
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Everything in my house is either travel size or costco size. I'm going to get drunk and pretend I'm Alice in Wonderland.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    deceased2045APANCHALYPSENOWfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerfreebrdstairwayRobbi123StymieBrewer
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeStymieBrewerCpt_KarnageThatDangIndianLadyIzaNathiesterinandbennyPytah1bohdisativa
@LABeachmom

@LABeachmom
Pro

Wife & Mom...I live in LA, I do not carry my dog in my Prada bag, but I do wear sunglasses inside. I drink Belvedere Vodka. I dream every night. I hate crocs.