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  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    When someone is telling me a story, I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my story that’s not only better, but involves me.

    • 436
    • FAVS
    CallMeWagabafatazzjazzmomma0315BaxterbixTmoney68wabash_prettyfusedudeBillhenry16
    • 208
    • RETWEETS
    CallMeWagabacouldafooledmedudoitakifahsanJamekaJones1Tmoney68fusedudeZeniolabaker
    pizzajaynowbillymeetsworldAlphaBelle________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people who feel confident.

    • 342
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerRyanSaysWords4bodingbluemelody84thetwittele
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeMycandleburnsBlindVigilLackOfShamesarcasticmommy4In_TwittalandMidlifecrisis18Mr_Puff_n_Stuff
    iam_timgingerfacedVoilaTyle________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    That thin line between "I should tweet that" or "I should talk to my therapist about that"...

    • 338
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeBillhenry16bees_wingzvcxxvidirtydishtowelsStineOidiosity
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeBillhenry16injariaidiositymikeinatxTheTalkingPipeARTPOPMarijuanaSunnySideUp1987
    GroperClevelandGetbentLA
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I have CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

    • 336
    • FAVS
    wabash_prettyfusedudelana_manilowBillhenry16StephenBCramerRandomAnticsLackOfShameLamontJoe
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudefltxnBillhenry16RyanSaysWordsjchele2013LackOfShamesarcasticmommy4cheersandcrowns
    MessJenkins
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    The whole "limiting myself to one glass of wine a day" thing is going really great. I'm like 5 years ahead of schedule.

    • 257
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeTheBeerGuy73Billhenry16StephenBCramer4bodingsarcasticmommy4DaniellaKhoei
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeNigeriangodUnJamalBillhenry16benitttoFavstar250DaniellaKhoeiMidlifecrisis18
    RummyLauded
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I drink vodka because I don't like to keep things bottled up.

    • 256
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68baggzkcfusedudeBillhenry16concretesledge_GetongaStephenBCramerMidlifecrisis18
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeGetongabenittto8Favstar250ShelbyJ_13_LittleMsBossy___NueroXTCGG246810
    colewagonerPaxochka
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    silent_musingsgreggoodman77BladesJRjrfusedudeBillhenry16ed_doranedgeof8Tampagirl613
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    BladesJRjrfusedudeBillhenry16larryelfinbizarrequotesTampaBayMommakingkumpzduncanbuldanz
    StephenBCramer
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I need to clean this living room. By clean, I mean drink wine & spray febreeze.

    • 203
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeyouresuchamomLaniBenoMikeCullen73SacamanoBPetPinkElephantBillhenry16
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    HShep101616fusedudeLaniBenoMikeCullen73chrisreidradioBillhenry16Midlifecrisis18Alyssa_Jolie__
    Billhenry16
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    A whore is just a woman who has the morals and values of a man.

    • 162
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68kevinbryfusedudesamafolabibobby_stantonBillhenry16StephenBCramerjohnbiehl
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    kevinbryfusedudewhitefaced_aridniJimmylitanUnJamallana_manilowBillhenry16
    numbertzeOriginalNixster
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    "Eye of the Tiger" is playing and it's so motivating. I totally want to punch someone in the face right now.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68kevinbryfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerjohnbiehlCpt_KarnageCoastiefish
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    kevinbryfusedudeBillhenry16Peace18NDRSKGAlyssa_Jolie__AmandaVocaturolovemydogduck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Everything happens for a reason but sometimes that reason is that you're a moron.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68deceased2045alycamfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCrameramzmomrocksCliffDuffy
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    HShep101616fusedude_LittleMsBossy___catcervenyAndyAsAdjectiveAlyssa_Jolie__BrynLynn37________claularrau
    FingDuck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Fine. Whatever. Nothing. -Things women say when they really mean "fuck you, you ignorant asshole, I hate & I want to stab you"

    • 117
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68deceased2045HShep101616fusedudeStephenBCramerSamKellyLoveCoastiefish72RICH72
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    HShep101616fusedudeSamKellyLoveAlyssa_Jolie__GeetikaGrangerAndswhatlovemydogduckWasARebel________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Someone at this party said twitter is a waste of time & is full of sociopaths...now I'm trying to figure out where to hide her body.

    • 115
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68beersudsfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramer_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanSteelFontana
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeTinaWheeler44MafvtapatioSandraTolRivlovemydogduckfavstar1000favsTXFloormanWhite__Bait
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Just popped into Costco to pick up some detergent and now I'm out $800 and could open an Asian restaurant.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerDr0p0fGoldenSun___TayTayJustineSteelFontanaNoLuckWanted
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    FulmerRobertfusedudeBillhenry16RangeelaDesiGreg444QuintanaGQatHUfavstar1000favsbollywoodfanmia
    GetbentLAFunny2BelvAndBourb
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    HIM: What do you need? ME: A Vodka Tonic w Lime. HIM: I meant out of life. ME: So did I :)

    • 130
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68deceased2045stacywawa1fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerCpt_Karnage_TayTayJustine
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudelovemydogduckfavstar1000favsFavstar500FavscherievannTraceOverlookTheLaughBankUglyHalfSister
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    If you consider going on a beer "run" as your form of exercise, we are going to be very, very close friends.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerjohnbiehlDr0p0fGoldenSun__Coastiefishlifeitecture
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeBillhenry16Peace18Alyssa_Jolie__favstar1000favsJanWuzHere________lovemydogduckWasARebel________
    chowdersoop
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    There's no use in crying over spilled milk! Spilled vodka, however, totally normal to sob inconsolably.

    • 107
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68LivingEverywayfusedudeStephenBCrameralex_apatheticCoastiefish77Kevin11TurboJellyBean
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudePeace18Alyssa_Jolie__hsm2sonsfavstar1000favsthebitchfileslovemydogduckobi_ian_kenobi
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Just because you have 400 friends on facebook doesn't mean people like you now, they just feel guilty for being mean to you in high school.

    • 104
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerSteveOHellNoRobbi123CoastiefishJesterpopo________
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeSteveOHellNofavstar1000favsJesterpopo________Alyssa_Jolie__thebitchfilesAmandaVocaturolovemydogduck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    How come my iphone headphones always look like they had wild sex when I take them out of my purse?

    • 97
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68fusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerRobbi123Coastiefish_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBean
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeAlyssa_Jolie__litfirebirdlovemydogduckMyLoveGoesDown____nowarrantyMegannxo3miIkoviched
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Everything in my house is either travel size or costco size. I'm going to get drunk and pretend I'm Alice in Wonderland.

    • 70
    • FAVS
    Tmoney68deceased2045APANCHALYPSENOWfusedudeBillhenry16StephenBCramerfreebrdstairwayRobbi123
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    fusedudeStymieBrewerCpt_KarnageThatDangIndianLadyIzaNathiesterinandbennyPytah1bohdisativa
@LABeachmom

@LABeachmom
Pro

Wife & Mom...I live in LA, I do not carry my dog in my Prada bag, but I do wear sunglasses inside. I drink Belvedere Vodka. I dream every night. I hate crocs.