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  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    When someone is telling me a story, I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my story that’s not only better, but involves me.

    • 417
    • FAVS
    happyashyMILFDianesarcasticmommy4kcMcCowgirll1q4idh2oMidlifecrisis18Orangepro5TheSchnizzy
    • 195
    • RETWEETS
    sarcasticmommy4Midlifecrisis18TheSchnizzythulnicolle_LittleMsBossy_LazloGustomaburrsecold__Lanecat2
    pizzajaynowbillymeetsworldAlphaBelle________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people who feel confident.

    • 331
    • FAVS
    happyashysarcasticmommy4kcMcCowgirlmrscarrothersNaDeana_TateKnowk_OmmentMidlifecrisis18Mr_Puff_n_Stuff
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    sarcasticmommy4NaDeana_TateMidlifecrisis18Mr_Puff_n_StuffportuguesebabeTheSchnizzythulnicolleMarkarianFitzy
    iam_timgingerfacedVoilaTyle________
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I have CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

    • 329
    • FAVS
    LamontJoebitterbitch39sarcasticmommy4kcMcCowgirlSucc_u_busDaniellaKhoei1hotmom2CarGarlic
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    sarcasticmommy4cheersandcrownsDaniellaKhoeiMidlifecrisis18TheSchnizzythulnicolle_LittleMsBossy_angelamweber
    MessJenkins
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    That thin line between "I should tweet that" or "I should talk to my therapist about that"...

    • 325
    • FAVS
    sarcasticmommy4kcMcCowgirll1q4idh2oSunnySideUp1987Midlifecrisis18Mr_Puff_n_StuffTheSchnizzythulnicolle
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    ARTPOPMarijuanaSunnySideUp1987Midlifecrisis18TheSchnizzythulnicolleLast_Re_TortLynnSLSdaphygirl74
    GroperClevelandGetbentLA
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    The whole "limiting myself to one glass of wine a day" thing is going really great. I'm like 5 years ahead of schedule.

    • 251
    • FAVS
    sarcasticmommy4DaniellaKhoeiCharmandBrainsJAC85456521Midlifecrisis18KitcataliciousCliffDuffy_LittleMsBossy_
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    benitttoFavstar250DaniellaKhoeiMidlifecrisis18_LittleMsBossy_angelamweberAlyssa_Joliebecabird
    RummyLauded
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I drink vodka because I don't like to keep things bottled up.

    • 249
    • FAVS
    Midlifecrisis18CliffDuffyMalocallidusDonKing101_LittleMsBossy_PhoenixRises69MariaCrawford13idntknwwhtwtris
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    ShelbyJ_13_LittleMsBossy_NueroXTCGG246810kurt_jansonMike09645ohnoColedankassdopeass
    colewagonerPaxochka
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Twitter is the adult way of having imaginary friends.

    • 170
    • FAVS
    1a2c350228d8455TwilightLaPushnickschmidt79ganjaqueen42020mprice1006noelfa35spopovich23SunnySideUp1987
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    HussyHuswifganjaqueen42020mprice1006Mary_NamFibroidPuppyspopovich23SunnySideUp1987Midlifecrisis18
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    I need to clean this living room. By clean, I mean drink wine & spray febreeze.

    • 194
    • FAVS
    mprice10061hotmom2shikzahMidlifecrisis18PhoenixRises69GroperCleveland_TayTayJustineScreaminMomX2
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    Midlifecrisis18Alyssa_JolienoramichelleMcFuckinFreckle__cantgetrightCLBrunetteWarrioralfiecloversperhapssomeday
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    A whore is just a woman who has the morals and values of a man.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    johnbiehlPhoenixRises69GroperClevelandScreaminMomX2TurboJellyBeannocturnologySteelFontanaJennHurless
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_JolieShwento__________jmannycm__________PamzYoHighnnescammiesonfloorOnlyFastEddieKamikaze_98voirdire58
    numbertzeOriginalNixster
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    "Eye of the Tiger" is playing and it's so motivating. I totally want to punch someone in the face right now.

    • 130
    • FAVS
    johnbiehlCpt_KarnageCoastiefishSgtBlueEyesJonasParomommaschulew_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBean
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    Peace18NDRSKGAlyssa_JolieAmandaVocaturolovemydogduckkristacitystevemmanTrish_D_Lish
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Everything happens for a reason but sometimes that reason is that you're a moron.

    • 128
    • FAVS
    CliffDuffyCourt_Michelle1_LittleMsBossy_johnbiehl_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeancatcervenysusannesage
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    _LittleMsBossy_catcervenyAndyAsAdjectiveAlyssa_JolieBrynLynn37________claularrauNatalieH94sljackel
    FingDuck
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Fine. Whatever. Nothing. -Things women say when they really mean "fuck you, you ignorant asshole, I hate & I want to stab you"

    • 112
    • FAVS
    SamKellyLoveCoastiefish72RICH72SgtBlueEyes_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanSteelFontanaTheMichaelRock
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    SamKellyLoveAlyssa_JolieGeetikaGrangerAndswhatlovemydogduckWasARebeljunejuly12numbertze
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Someone at this party said twitter is a waste of time & is full of sociopaths...now I'm trying to figure out where to hide her body.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    _TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanSteelFontanaTheMichaelRockNoLuckWantedsillyobjectsTinaWheeler44TemptressTweets
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    TinaWheeler44MafvtapatioSandraTolRivlovemydogduckfavstar1000favsTXFloormanWhite__BaitSkyMahshull
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Just popped into Costco to pick up some detergent and now I'm out $800 and could open an Asian restaurant.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    Dr0p0fGoldenSun___TayTayJustineSteelFontanaNoLuckWantedcaptaincoximusGreg444Quintanajfreev____________TemptressTweets
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    RangeelaDesiGreg444QuintanaGQatHUfavstar1000favsbollywoodfanmiaAshley_Rivers18lovemydogduckTylerLinkin
    GetbentLAFunny2BelvAndBourb
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    HIM: What do you need? ME: A Vodka Tonic w Lime. HIM: I meant out of life. ME: So did I :)

    • 124
    • FAVS
    Cpt_Karnage_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanNoLuckWantedsillyobjectsHollywoodCrabMrsJekyllsHydelovemydogduck
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckfavstar1000favsFavstar500FavscherievannTraceOverlookTheLaughBankUglyHalfSisterphxguy88
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    If you consider going on a beer "run" as your form of exercise, we are going to be very, very close friends.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    johnbiehlDr0p0fGoldenSun__Coastiefishlifeitecture_TayTayJustineSteelFontanablondecalamityviciousbabydoll
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    Peace18Alyssa_Joliefavstar1000favsJanWuzHerelovemydogduckWasARebelnumbertzeJustTashie
    chowdersoop
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    There's no use in crying over spilled milk! Spilled vodka, however, totally normal to sob inconsolably.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    alex_apatheticCoastiefish77Kevin11TurboJellyBeanSteelFontanaNoLuckWantedthebitchfilesMrsJekyllsHyde
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    Peace18Alyssa_Joliehsm2sonsfavstar1000favsthebitchfileslovemydogduckobi_ian_kenobiWasARebel
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Just because you have 400 friends on facebook doesn't mean people like you now, they just feel guilty for being mean to you in high school.

    • 100
    • FAVS
    SteveOHellNoRobbi123CoastiefishJesstrat___________TayTayJustineSteelFontanaMommaWearsHeels__LindseyEllison2
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    SteveOHellNofavstar1000favsJesstrat__________Alyssa_JoliethebitchfilesAmandaVocaturolovemydogduckgilligansthecat
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    How come my iphone headphones always look like they had wild sex when I take them out of my purse?

    • 93
    • FAVS
    Robbi123Coastiefish_TayTayJustineTurboJellyBeanSteelFontanaSharpeByteshangin_outMrsJekyllsHyde
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_JolielitfirebirdlovemydogduckMyLoveGoesDown____nowarrantyMegannxo3ringwaIdSeangp73
  • LABeachmom
      April Wheeler @LABeachmom

    Everything in my house is either travel size or costco size. I'm going to get drunk and pretend I'm Alice in Wonderland.

    • 64
    • FAVS
    freebrdstairwayRobbi123StymieBrewerCpt_KarnageBigRim79ThatDangIndianjefft01LadyIzaNathiest
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewerCpt_KarnageThatDangIndianLadyIzaNathiesterinandbennyPytah1bohdisativathumbprinze
@LABeachmom

@LABeachmom
Pro

Wife & Mom...I live in LA, I do not carry my dog in my Prada bag, but I do wear sunglasses inside. I drink Belvedere Vodka. I dream every night. I hate crocs.