@lafix's (Laura) most faved Tweets...
It's all fun and games until you notice the *rocket* in your nephew's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand.
I don't like irony. Or foldy. Or thinky. Or worky. I like eaty. Eaty is good.
Gift wrapping complete.

I don't usually have this much glitter on my thighs unless someone's filming.
For the 2nd time in my life, a FedEx dude has seen me naked. I blame the wardrobe malfunction. And the nymphomania.
Studies show after the words "studies show", people stop reading.

Ballsucking frogbanger.

It's a shame no one will see that.
Car keys: check! iPhone: check! Virginity: che.. hahah, good one!
Dance like nobody's watching? There's no money in that.
Oh, you DO want a piece of me. Well, this is awkward.
You know how when you're yelling at someone & you get in their face and then all of a sudden you're both naked?

I'll miss that Quiznos.
If you're torn between two lovers, that isn't love. Only jerks would tear a person. Unless your lovers are bears. Bears can't help it.
Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner?
Me: How big are your lips?
Telemarketer: ....
Me: Your lips. Are they huge?

*click*
If you suck down some whipped cream right from the can while in line at the grocery store, guys will offer to buy your groceries for you.
When I kiss, it's my habit to flick my tongue over the lips of the kissee before going full on French.

Also, CVS clerks are prudes.
Office holiday party tonight.

I hope the copier enjoys reverse cowgirl as much as I do.
I may have joined a gang on my way home from the bar. If I pop a cap in your ass, it's not personal. It's bidness.
This breast self-exam needs less self and more someone else.
Don't you wish after a break-up you wouldn't get phone stalked & mail stalked & email stalked?

It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go.
My New Years Resolution is to stop being such a tease. Right after you help me with this zipper.
A solo wet t-shirt contest wasn't exactly what I had planned for today in the meeting. Stupid water bottle HEY! DOLLARS!
I can't believe weed is illegal and patchouli isn't.
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