@lafix's (Laura) most faved Tweets...
It's all fun and games until you notice the *rocket* in your nephew's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand.
Gift wrapping complete.
I don't usually have this much glitter on my thighs unless someone's filming.
I don't usually have this much glitter on my thighs unless someone's filming.
For the 2nd time in my life, a FedEx dude has seen me naked. I blame the wardrobe malfunction. And the nymphomania.
Studies show after the words "studies show", people stop reading.
Ballsucking frogbanger.
It's a shame no one will see that.
Ballsucking frogbanger.
It's a shame no one will see that.
Customs: "Do you have anything to declare?"
Me: "I declare a thumb war?"
Customs: "Security!"
Me: "I mean rum! Lots and lots of rum!"
Me: "I declare a thumb war?"
Customs: "Security!"
Me: "I mean rum! Lots and lots of rum!"
Having a man's hand in my shirt is normally fun, but he was all "sit still" and "stop calling me 'baby', I'm your Doctor."
If you're torn between two lovers, that isn't love. Only jerks would tear a person. Unless your lovers are bears. Bears can't help it.
You know how when you're yelling at someone & you get in their face and then all of a sudden you're both naked?
I'll miss that Quiznos.
I'll miss that Quiznos.
I find taking my bra off through my sweater sleeve during a meeting helps to change focus when there's a conflict.
If you suck down some whipped cream right from the can while in line at the grocery store, guys will offer to buy your groceries for you.
Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner?
Me: How big are your lips?
Telemarketer: ....
Me: Your lips. Are they huge?
*click*
Me: How big are your lips?
Telemarketer: ....
Me: Your lips. Are they huge?
*click*
Don't you wish after a break-up you wouldn't get phone stalked & mail stalked & email stalked?
It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go.
It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go.
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