Sarah Palin used "refudiate" in a sentence. I think she needs to studiate her vocabulade before she pontifitalks on the televade.

More women than men received a PhD last year proving that girls are thinkier. I mean more thinky. Thoughtfuller.

Look at my boobs!

Homosexuality and ethnicity are not lifestyle choices.
Hatred, bigotry, scrapbooking and rooting for the Yankees are.

It's all fun and games until you notice the *rocket* in your nephew's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand.

It would be a fun surprise if Jay-Z said he finished laying down some tracks and when you went outside there was a railroad.

I don't like irony. Or foldy. Or thinky. Or worky. I like eaty. Eaty is good.

I would dress more conservatively, but I don't have a suit made of guns, torture and homophobia.

In the USA, Snooki's novel reveals the heartbreak of dance farts.
In China, a billion people understand calculus.

Someone told me "twitter is for stupid people that don't have friends". I told her "twitter is for funny people that don't want friends".

Customs: "Do you have anything to declare?"
Me: "I declare a thumb war?"
Customs: "Security!"
Me: "I mean rum! Lots and lots of rum!"

I taught the neighbor boy to say "I just launched a new fragrance" when he farts.

It takes a village.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you're good. Fool me four times, WOW! Did you major in fooling?

Mubarak to do live television special in Egypt to announce he's signing with Miami Heat.

Guess drunk? I'm what!

Studies show after the words "studies show", people stop reading.

Ballsucking frogbanger.

It's a shame no one will see that.

This vibrator has a clock. Well it's about fucking time.

If you're torn between two lovers, that isn't love. Only jerks would tear a person. Unless your lovers are bears. Bears can't help it.

Gift wrapping complete.

I don't usually have this much glitter on my thighs unless someone's filming.

Republicans in congress refuse to work with Democrats. In other news, horoscopes are made-up and pie is delicious.

In America, Bristol Palin's memoir about wine coolers tops the bestseller list. In China, everyone knows the periodic table by heart.