As funny as I believe myself to be. I doubt I could write a tweet as funny as the attached photo. http://yfrog.com/edc2npj

A pussy fart is the vagina's way of saying "really?, thats all you got?."

RT @stuntbrain: Line of the day? Pelosi loses her private jet, will now fly DC to SF on Southwest Air... Because "Bags Fly Free!"

Obama: "The Teacher I met in Vegas, part time escort & lion tamer. She works hard, this is what America is about". @witstreamdotcom #Debate

BREAKING NEWS: Mars Curiosity Rover hijacked by a 'Negroid'. More news as it develops.

I wish I could snap a pic of the woman on this train. if the event existed she could win the gold medal for Side titty, B cup individual.

I wanna go skydiving & shit. Which is probably the order that will happen in.

Justice needs Lasik, a seeing eye dog, an optical bionic implant & those glasses from "They Live". #CaseyAnthony

BREAKING NEWS: Christopher Dorner has just Unlocked Achievement: Invisibility.

I just learned that YOLO means "You Only Live Once". Ugh, whoever uses it should kill themselves twice.

This nuclear meltdown in Japan has me worried. Now the Japs will have bigger cocks than us. #LifeIsntFair.

#celebrityfragrances Tuck by RuPaul

RT @mitdasein: @lamottjackson Dude. I saw a guy tonight who was totally the caucasian you. ME: I'm a popular model. Like a Honda Civic.

SPOILER ALERT!!: There's no more toilet paper in your bathroom.

Who's cotton I gotta pick for a Google+ invite?.

There's a woman on this train the size of LeBron James in a pretty sundress. It's like putting a shiny tiara on the Hulk.

If in 2011 you're still using the word 'Tush' to describe someone's ass you should have your gams beaten till you're no longer a dish.

Princess ToadStool from inside of Bowers cage is like "Oh you fancy now, oh you fancy now". #RoyalWedding

"Name a relative you hide valuables from whenever they visit". #GhettoFamilyFeudQuestions

Sheesh, I hope Wendy Williams didn't hurt her tucked cock too much while dancing tonight. #DWTS