I wish people could feel the exact moment when you quit giving a shit about them.

One day I'm gonna miss all this shit

Holy fuck, the world does not revolve around you, but could you imagine if it did?

I love how it takes one person to fuck it up for the rest of us.

My level of snarkiness depends on your level of stupidity.

I love not having to worry about someone's "feelings". This single thing kicks ass.

I'm like a little kid, I have to set a time limit for how long I can read twitter so I'm not late for work!

I sort of don't want to return to reality

I've come a long way, I didn't say "poor fuckers" once during the wedding.

My back and arms hurt from all the pretend golfing I did on the Wii. Real golf would probably kill me!

Facebook, you are like a small town, you want everyone to know what the hell we are doing.

Can't help but think that the body builder driving the Hummer is overcompensating.

Crackers for suppper....this single thing rocks.

Someone just told me they weren't blessed with patience. So is that their way of telling me they're an impatient bitch?

If weekends were meant for accomplishing something productive, then clearly I'm doing it wrong.

There's an expiry date on chocolate bars, as if it's going to last that long in my house

Why won't my account allow me to RT someone I follow?

If I had a nickel for every time I said "are you fucking kidding me?" in a day....I'd be a rich woman.

I seriously did not think it was possible for me to care less. Surprise, surprise....

I walk the high road away from you.