@socialnerdia @jowyang @rickmans I've been at job interviews where the interviewer has had a printout of my Klout page, last 100 tweets, etc

@confusedlush Just use a loudspeaker truck. "THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY SEXUAL HARASSMENT SYSTEM. IF YOU WERE CUTE IT WOULD AFFECT YOU"

Today I used duct tape on an actual duct. I feel... dirty. Also, I may have started an infinite recursion that will destroy the universe.

@marcoarment You should have written on a check "I dropped a penny into a river by me. Please take a bucket of ocean water as payment".

Just realized my new camera has a "food" setting, in which apparently face detection is disabled. Good to know no cannibal camera.

FL sky, as blue as eyes, as yellow as bananas, as pink as babies' cheeks, as gray as wizards' beards. http://t.co/INWPnBzO

If a park needs this many instructional placards, there is something wrong with today's America. http://t.co/wNqHmZ8B

Drank coffee too eagerly. Now look like I've given a chocolate Teddy Graham an enthusiastic blowjob. Time for a new shirt and dignity.

@ronaldbravo Kevin Bacon's dancing IS genocide.

Here's the front cover of the demo CD I made that scored me my US job in 1999 and moved me from Australia... http://t.co/hIL6vUnw

All election forms should have an option "None of the above; go back, find a credible candidate".

These dogs chew on bull penises with such gusto that I'm almost scared to check their browser history.

I need a jar of honey, six golf balls, a walrus, garlic, marzipan, vodka and salt. Iodized, of course.

I am going to sleep. If you are not already in bed with a man, woman or farm animal, work on it and tell me the story tomorrow.

Feeling just loopy enough that I put "in accordance with prophecy" on all my financial predictions for next week's meetings.

@lcranston1939 "Are there no prisons? And the Union workhouses, are they still in operation?" @sequatchiegirl

@mattgemmell It's pricing like this on the hardware that could really definitively kill the printed word.

@robolollycop This reminds me somehow of cat-and-buttered-toast-powered UFO theory. http://t.co/8Oj6smD

Sitrep mammalia: Lagomorph released, nutrition & petting administered. Canids ambulated, ropes tugged. Hominid requires fermented grain.

I suspect @lahikmajoe and @teawench might take exception to this tagline. http://t.co/izBXK26K