"@deppisch: Abortion isn't controlling your body, Joe. It's destroying the body of another unique, whole individual. #VPDebate"

@chrchcurmudgeon Flat Andy Stanley #baptistchildrensbooks

“@notkennyrogers: If your boyfriend has any opinion whatsoever on 'The Bachelor' finale, you can do better.”

@chrchcurmudgeon Illegal block in the back: Usher unknowingly lets go of door and inadvertently hits congregant in back. #UsherPenalties

“@notkennyrogers: If your boyfriend is currently standing in a line dressed as Gandalf, there's a 99.7% chance you could do better.”

@barackobama why, in some areas, even dead Democrats are voting!

@chrchcurmudgeon False Start: Usher passes the communion juice before passing the communion bread. #UsherPenalties

RT @peytonshead BREAKING: London was just banned from future Olympics for failing a drug test. #ClosingCeremony

RT @thefakeespn:
BREAKING: Tim Tebow is offered a new role http://t.co/02PMYZJS OK so that's funny #kony2012

How long till a Christian creates Google†? #fb

“@lukezim: Exclusive LeBron James first person vantage of that final look: pic.twitter.com/RRrEPL7gTl”

“@notkennyrogers: If your boyfriend is currently standing in a line dressed as Iron Man, you can probably do better.”

"@biiimurray: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) Put some headphones in your pocket 2) Wait one minute"

Thinking about burning my couch anyway...

I hope IU brought the ladders & scissors to Michigan to cut the nets after this loss. #iubb #fb

“@notkennyrogers: Coincidentally, the Incas predicted the Mayans would make complete fools of themselves on Dec. 21st.”

Hey Ohio State fans. Make sure you pick up a 2012 OSU Bowl Game T-shirt - available at a WalMart near you. pic.twitter.com/tEcwNWze

"@dan_the_butcher: Marriage Tip - Know which towels are the nice towels."

@notbillwalton I thought it was USC fans putting down their martini glass and asking "What's the score again?"

@jonacuff that is a robust stick figure...must be American