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I learned a valuable lesson and then my dog ate it.
I've got that new boy friend smell you're looking for… available with a Certified Pre-owned discount.
Did you take some ibuprofen is my response to most complaints.
2 outlets and 29 of us that need to charge our phones...Shit just got real.
*rock, paper, scissor
Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won't show in your pictures.
Because of you fuckers I now put on my tuxedo to go to Walmart.
My daughter got me sick. My throat is on fire, my head is killing me, but I still want to go workout now. So if ya see me on the news...
Groundhog Day and the Superbowl on the same Sunday?!?! Thank you, day drinking gods!! I offer you my liver in sacrifice.
Everyday when I wake up to see there's not a chef in my kitchen cooking breakfast a little part of me dies on the inside.
I like to play this drinking game where I take a shot every time life still sucks.
Eating meat is honorable, because you send a cow to heaven far away from this horrible planet where vegetarians eat their food.
Why is a tongue lashing a bad thing? Anything involving the tongue has got to be good.
Pack your bags..
We're going on a guilt trip.
These extra cheddar goldfish taste like I'm gonna know how a crack head feels.
Mom to 4 hellions....the only exercise I get is running to fridge for another beer. But since you're up....