Roses are shit. Violets are shit. The whole thing is pointless. Fuck the fuck off.

This is really fucking funny. SCOTTISH TOTAL RECALL on Vimeo  http://vimeo.com/30918318 

Two things I was glad were not a part of that ceremony. 1. Those fucking mascots. 2. That fucking Muse song. #olympics

Looking for a room in a shared house/flat in Newcastle. I come complete with two cats. Please RT

@samanthabrick Everybody disagrees with you, you horrible witch.

My housemate's copy of Chekhov's Diaries was stolen today. He's gutted. Can anyone donate a copy to make his day? Please RT. #chekhovforjohn

Ryan Gosling gives me a funny feeling in my chest and tummy. And tits. And fanny.

@xannaleigh well done on all the RTs for your quasi-racist, ill-informed rant.

My friend Lalya has written this wonderfully eloquent FB post about anti-Islamic hysteria. #Woolwich #Islam #EDL pic.twitter.com/OAEPy6LHmO

@renzo_soprano Except for the fact that it's a load of inflammatory rubbish. At least one of those responsible for this act is British.

OMG HERE HE IS!! @damionmerry #takemeout

Everyone needs to look at my Eel Devo picture that I done about 5 years ago and still find hilariously funny. http://t.co/Dvh8GuMO

Oh wow, it seems like @gotham_town are deleting all posts on their Facebook page objecting to the EDL meetup. Great work!

I've said it before, but the Mental Illness Happy Hour @mentalpod is SUCH a good listen for anyone dealing with #mentalhealth issues. #mh

Here's my good pal Andy from @divorcetheband telling his Mick Jagger story. This is amazing. http://t.co/BJipWOCN

Silly kitten spotted another kitten in the mirror and transformed into THIS. #transformercat http://t.co/kJo0ajZG

@profanityswan BELIEVE http://t.co/MWDh22wu

The typeface says it all. RT @winstonmck
#CroydonNorth - It's time to switch... It's time to choose #UKIP #VoteWinston pic.twitter.com/NgbV4ZMq

Read @steveindisguise's feed right now for loads of RTs of hilarious pissing stories. I wish I had one to contribute.

If you refer to food as "noms" and people as "peeps" I would be grateful if you moved to a different planet.