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my "sex-dreams" have been replaced with "elaborate delicious sandwiches complimented by various dipping sauces" dreams
i think we can all agree that fake pockets on clothes are both a hate crime and extremely bullshit
People are posting RIP photos of Morgan Freeman instead of Nelson Mandela in case you're wondering what kind of idiots are out there.
Boy, you know this sass turns you on.
Imagine having money and then later still having money.
If someone dies after the age of 90, it should not be even called 'dying'. It should be called 'Winning The Game'
Advent calendars teach children that if you break through a window you will be rewarded with a treat.
Sometimes people are just polite. Nothing more to it. Put your desperate ego away.
what if sharks attack humans cause they want us to touch their penises 'omg that thing has hands! hey can i talk to you for a second'
Sunday was made for strawberries and kisses.
Honey dew melons are the throw pillows of the fruit plate.
I get bi with a little help from my friends
Someone probably tweeted that already
*goes christmas shopping*
*only buys things for myself*
this happens every year
I'm guessing that the person who decided to call it "common sense" didn't know that many people.
i’m not kidding. The worst sound ever is the crack in the voice of a person who is about to cry.
men are born between a woman's legs & they spend their lives tryna get back in em lmao science says theres no place like home i guess
a concentration camp sounds like a place you would send your kid to if they had ADHD
I hate guys who are like “Women don’t poop!” Women totally poop. It’s normal/healthy. All they do is poop. Name a woman: she is pooping.
If you have never eaten popcorn from between your boobs you clearly don't appreciate the glory of popcorn or boobs.
#HAMONT journalism student. I'm just here to cause trouble.