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did Mona Lisa know she was gonna become the illest art bitch of all time or like???
Beauty and the Beast is a good example that girls don't care what you look like if you have a big ass castle and a talking teacup.
finding new music is like finding a new freckle like hey how long have u been there
I'm excited for the Supreme Court to finally let us know if gay people are human beings.
I wish I was a girl so I could just lie in bed and grab my boobs
me:eats a snack while making a snack
Twitter is like a fridge. You get bored, so you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good.
Our kids will probably go to a middle school dance and theme is the 2010’s. They'll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to call me maybe.
I hate when I open a new bag of dicks because I always end up eating the whole thing in one sitting...
I judge dick pics by how long it takes them to load.
Wes Anderson's movies all sound like awesome fonts: Royal Tenanbaum, Rushmore, Darjeeling Limited, Moonrise Kingdom, Bottle Rocket
“The glass is half empty!” - pessimists
“The glass is half full!” - optimists
“Somebody please drink me!” - sierramists
Slut jokes are just whoreable.
There's no "u" in us. Wait yes there is. There's no "i" in relationship. Ok look the point is I wanna break up.
More Canadians are expected to win an MMVA than to watch the broadcast
Father's Day is great - you get to sleep in and do whatever you want. Like I used to do every single day before I was a father.
My dad left when I was five, but he came back that night. He was just going to work.
very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week
So what if I'm a cream cheese whore, BACK THE FUCK UP!!
#HAMONT journalism student. I'm just here to cause trouble.