I guess Tebow is the most famous white Bronco since OJ's truck.

Sex is when we masturbate to each others AVI's at the same time, right?

Do we really need $300 Air Jordan's? Who the fuck buys that shit? Probably people on welfare, right?

Just mention snow and ice in Texas, and this happens. pic.twitter.com/imGIbh7J

Because I don't get enough attention. pic.twitter.com/klxWHnFt

god it's so painful when something that's so close is still so far out of reach

This is my baby brother. pic.twitter.com/W7da1Ny6

Dude. The purse on the shoulder means "Let's go" That's fucking page one of the manual. pic.twitter.com/6ihWfh13

Here's the deal. Leave me, the fuck alone.

What can I get'cha? pic.twitter.com/6VDMsqSu

Why is it that, the people that have a voice that best suits a Muppet, insist on talking non-stop?

I'm letting my taint beard fill in.

Well, how god damn romantic is this? pic.twitter.com/Ieq2l66VmL

That boy's all hat and no cattle.

I bet, they are stealing all my fucking tweets. Fuckers. pic.twitter.com/v97k1jeT

I simply do not use other people's desk phones because I don't want syphilis.

If I wasn't so hung the fuck over, I'd probably be drinking.

What the hell is a "home phone"?

The difference between a g-string and a thong can technically be up to 75 pounds.

Hmmm, so you have braces. How about you eat this box of crayons, then we'll talk about bj's.