Self professed grammer nazi.

I refuse to believe you have a girlfriend until I discover bobby pins all over your house.

Roll Tide is the aloha of Alabama. It means "hello" AND "good bye".

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but it is 1849 and she moved to California following the discovery of a considerable quantity of gold.

Jesus may have turned water into wine, but I've just turned $18 into a 24-pack of PBR.

TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED!

I'm actually Beyoncé.

It's cool to see Propagandhi and all, but it'd been so much cooler if they decided to sing about LOTR and call themselves Propagandalf.

I have always thought I'd make for a good Mrs Bombastic.

"Mmmm mmmmm mmm mmmm." - my favourite Crash Test Dummies lyric

I just overheard a dude at the store making fun of @magnavore for wearing a Primus shirt; funny because the dude was wearing a YOLO shirt.

How can you tell if someone is a philosophy major? Don't worry, they'll let you know. "@davidisgoliath @leahshea hey, go fuck yourself."

MECCADETH - dave mustaine's pilgrimage to one of the holiest cities

Way down yonder in my hoochie coochie, it gets hotter than a smoochy poochy. - revised Alan Jackson

ILLUMINAUGHTY: conspiratorial group known for masterminding major sexual events worldwide

THINGS I DO NOT FEEL: well

Never ever ever ever let anyone you know wear a kilt. Please.

I would totally fight Ansel Adams.

If I could go back to just one point in time, I'd probably etch "HI HATERS" on the 10 commandments. The 11th commandment.

I wonder what that Ikea monkey is up to today.