growing a dick just so you can suck it.

love it when people use the phrase "butt-hurt"

i'll make out with anybody as long as there's no carbs.

leaking out of all of my holes at once is kinda my thing.

just saw a baby squirrel crawl inside this tree's vagina.

nature is gross.

if i was deaf and blind this party would be so fun.

can we just have one day without cheese?

i bet the first person who discovered pizza cried a lot.

i'm not yelling at you, i'm just loving you loudly.

my level of excitement for anything in life depends on if there's pizza involved.

goddamn, i love a good walker.

my main problem in life is that i don't want to get up.

i'm the lazy asshole who takes the elevator for one flight of stairs.

@ongoingbs I love you.

@tungsifu whatever dude, nice ponytail!

@ongoingbs everything is shit, except you my love!

some penises are so big it feels like they could poke your heart.

how do i get rid of these ugly people in the top left corner of every Wikipedia page i go to?

poop. http://t.co/u9kT2IBn

don't worry guys, there's somebody out there that wants to fuck you unconscious.