DEAD SINGLES IN YOUR AREA HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU. 'WHY ARENT YOU LIVE CHATTING WITH US YET?' THEIR BONY JAWS CLATTER IN UNISON

DO NOT walk past cat without saying helo. $400 fine.

sext: i put on a tight corset for u, the pain reminds me of the yrs of female oppression under th patriarch, we dont have sex

cat gang wreaks havoc in local town, spray painting walls with phrases such as 'I LIKE FISH & NOT BEING COLD, AT 3PM I POOP IN THE GARDEN'

DEAD SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WANT TO FLOAT AROUND YOUR HOUSE AND KNOCK OVER COFFEE MUGS

DAY 10 TRAPED IN AMERICAS FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO DIMENSION. TODAY A HORSE FARTED BY GRAN & A BABY DROPPED A NACHO. EVEN THE DOG IS LAUGHING

WOW, RUDE. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THESE BATH CRYSTALS WERE PORTALS TO THE INFINITE SKULL KINGDOM

lmao if you're not trapped in a miserable cycle of seeking largely unsatisfying validation from twiter

finally have the house to myself *opens up 'girls of twitter' list and systematically winks at each of their avatars*

sext: i slowly strip out of my bandages, revealing an unimaginably ancient tomb pussy. your MILF meter beeps loudly as you enter my catacomb

my bf realy opened up2me last nite,he pulld his top half off&out came a smaler version of himslf&again&again til he was a tiny wooden statue

Sext: im waiting for you behind a beautiful fern w my insides revealed. i lift my head to tear at my own rotting flesh&whisper 'Chaos Reigns

welcome to my sex fortress: please place your diaper in the receptacle provided, pin your suicide note to the sailor moon board & follow me

WEIGHT LOSS MIRACLE 400 POUND BLOATED MAMI NOW TRANSPARENT BEAUTY HOWLING OoOoO AS SHE WEIGH IN AT 0 POUNDS. DOCTORS HATE HER

im too depressed to move & get a snack so im looking at pictures of apples online

can you go to jail for kidnap a dog? (cops do npot read this tweet)

im sexually horney

(◕ᴥ◕し) awoooo~

PUDDING INVENTORY: 2 PUDDINGS

a really cool thing to do when you're depressed is to tweet about it