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Most inscrutable infomercial line ever: "Unlike other bras, the Milana bra is different."
I do like ads that imply women who reject men's advances are bad people!
"These cymbal stands are not period-appropriate." - My dad watching Inside Llewyn Davis
We get it, you hate women.
Hey bartenders with old-timey mustaches: you realize your facial hair is the faux-speakeasy version of pieces of flair, right?
Strongly considering being Scarlett from Nashville for Halloween - big skirt, bow in my hair, and a sign reading "I'm the fucking worst."
Best House Hunters opening line: "Inspired by the TV show Golden Girls, Michael wants to buy a Palm Springs vacation home."
Magic Mike spoiler: a large percentage of the plot rests on Channing Tatum's character not realizing he could sell custom furniture online.
Consider the radical idea that a woman might be the one reading your script & might not appreciate all female characters being called cunts.
Paul Ryan just now finished peeing.
Jared Leto's speech was the lost verse of La Vie Boheme.
THUNDER!!!! Last year I lived in New York! Now, this is noteworthy weather to me!
If you are a pilot character, you are in constant danger of a family member moving in with you and FUCKING YOUR SHIT UP.
"I'd like to have a party with just slightly more guests than children." - Captain Von Trapp, presumably.
Girl in this coffee shop just told friend "Dude, I just signed up for" and I knew she was going to say "improv classes" before she said it.
Anyone whose SNL audition this year doesn't contain an impression of Scarlett from Nashville is MISSING THE BOAT.
Laundry status: so fucking dire, I'm dressed like Claudia Kishi.
"I should mop my whole apartment!" - Someone procrastinating on writing