Worshipping someone is just a car ride away from resenting them.

Once I called Chase and was annoyed cuz I was on hold for mad long but then the guy who answered said "Hi, my name is Justin Pancake."

4 way stop signs show us who we really are

Falling asleep is the best day of my life.

Truman Chipotle

“I’m not getting married until gay people can get married. Because I’m gay.”-- @twittels

Being cool won't keep you warm at night

"You have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce."

Being a feminist basically means, as a woman, you don't hate yourself.

"I believe the children are our future." Ummmmm kind of an obvious fact doye

A dance party is the best thing God has ever invented.

We should just be giving Trump the Voldemort treatment and stop saying his name. Bad publicity is still publicity. Fears are wishes.

"No good marriage has ever ended in divorce." I love this article.  http://www.vogue.com/culture/article/splitsville-divorce-app/#1 … @taraaverill @louisck @voguemagazine

I hate it when I have to do more than one thing a day.

I kind of never hear anything good about having kids. Just saying.

I used to have a lot of rules and stances and advice and opinions and then I realized like a month ago who gives a fuckin shit. Do drugs!

"You have low self esteem but don't worry, that's what makes me like you."--One Direction

Why do we draw sunglasses on the sun? He's the one guy who don't need em.

No matter how pretty I try to make my living room it always ends up looking like the set of Roseanne