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Goosebumps are braille for I'm cold.
I don't think that jesture liked my hand gesture.
McGyver can probably get you out of a lot of situations, but he probably can't take a bra off.
I don't often show my feminine side, but I do show my lesbian side quite often.
When I see two ugly people together in a relationship. I think cupid missed.
Masturbation is like waxing your boat that you never get wet.
If I ever painted a picture of you. I would color your eyes beautiful.
Horses are the glue that keep us together.
Facebook- this is my brain
Twitter- this is my brain on drugs.
So why hasn't Reese's® released Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Flavored Milk yet?
Dear Chocolate: I loved you since the moment we first met.
Told my girlfriend to assume the position and she went into the kitchen.
She knows when I'm hungry.
I once nursed a bird back to health, but the poor thing took forever trying to figure out how to get food from my nipple.
I hate being bipolar. It's fucking awesome.
Hey cannibals, ever tried chicken?
I just put Oil of Olay® Regenerist night recovery all over my balls, and I tell you what, I feel 18 again.
Theirs so much chemistry between us we could make an atomic bomb.
The lost boys, could kick the twilight vampires asses.
I walked through a wax museum and most of the white men had short wicks.
A relationship isn't a test so why cheat?
Im oddly funny. Random shit just flies into my head and im crazy in love with @hisdancingbitch.