Goosebumps are braille for I'm cold.

I don't think that jesture liked my hand gesture.

McGyver can probably get you out of a lot of situations, but he probably can't take a bra off.

I don't often show my feminine side, but I do show my lesbian side quite often.

When I see two ugly people together in a relationship. I think cupid missed.

Masturbation is like waxing your boat that you never get wet.

If I ever painted a picture of you. I would color your eyes beautiful.

Horses are the glue that keep us together.

Facebook- this is my brain



Twitter- this is my brain on drugs.

So why hasn't Reese's® released Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Flavored Milk yet?

Dear Chocolate: I loved you since the moment we first met.

Told my girlfriend to assume the position and she went into the kitchen.







She knows when I'm hungry.

I once nursed a bird back to health, but the poor thing took forever trying to figure out how to get food from my nipple.

I hate being bipolar. It's fucking awesome.

Hey cannibals, ever tried chicken?

I just put Oil of Olay® Regenerist night recovery all over my balls, and I tell you what, I feel 18 again.

Theirs so much chemistry between us we could make an atomic bomb.

The lost boys, could kick the twilight vampires asses.

I walked through a wax museum and most of the white men had short wicks.

A relationship isn't a test so why cheat?