How many cats must die or not die because I am not opening boxes to look at them?

Twitter is like sending messages in a bottle out into an ocean that talks back.

I would go to more places if it didn't mean leaving the house, and driving, and meeting people and talking to them.

@thebloggess I hate flying alone. Never thought to bring dead mouse. it seems so obvious now.

If life hands you cliches, spout them back mercilessly at your twitter followers.

I refuse to believe that people put hamsters in their butts.

It's not procrastination if you never intended to do the thing in the first place.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm trying too hard. Then, I wonder if I'm trying hard enough. Then, I go back to whatever it was I was already doing.

Today I start chasing shadows until I catch one. This never works out for cats, but I'm pretty sure I'll be smarter about it than they are.

No offense facebook people, but I don't think you can cure cancer by changing your status message. Thanks for the effort though.

Finish your beer. There are sober kids in India.

Dear people of Facebook: Stop having kids. That is all.

My kid is watching a YouTube video of a guy playing a video game. Apparently, we are now too lazy even to play the video games.

Toasters kill more people every year than sharks. Probably because people aren't expecting the toasters to attack.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I do one bizarre thing after the next. I'm in the clear.

I declare today National Drama Day. Everyone get pissy about something irrelevant and report back in.

Today is a new day. Or, it might be previously used and refurbished. Sometimes it is hard to tell.

I just cleaned MIL's kitchen. Putting all dishes in random places, like she does in mine. Helping is fun.

Anyone know how to fake a seizure?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with the right snack foods.