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I thought I knew what love was before I learned it's what makes a Subaru a Subaru.
The mark of a terrible chef is claiming to make a really excellent guacamole.
I am a total workaholic, but with booze.
It's impossible for a corgi to run in a manner that isn't a metaphor.
My neighbor put up a "Don't Tread on Me" flag, presumably so everyone knows where the canned goods are after an earthquake.
Constantly overcompensating for my fear of impotence and failure like a boss.
It's a guy God created out of dust in his own image and a woman fashioned from one of that guy's ribs, not Adam and Steve.
MC Escher's in the house but you'll never find him.
We live life by preparing for the best and for the worst, then having no idea what the fuck to do with every other scenario in between.
Pitching a psychological flick about a girl who has a Christmas song stuck in her head in the dead of summer.
I want a Gallant in the streets and a Goofus in the sheets.
The Thai delivery guy included two sets of chopsticks. I said yes!
Ugh, this $9 smoothie tastes like a $7 smoothie.
I'm a drugstore cowboy in the sense that I wander Rite Aid grabbing products, changing my mind, & casually displacing them from their homes.
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