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I'm unmarried because I'm still waiting for the right wedding hashtag to come along.
Buy this and I'll probably let you get to second base or something. But only if you want that. http://www.amazon.com/South-Highland-Liana-Maeby/dp/1477829881 …
Yo mama jokes are so stupid I can easily identify and exploit their structure.
Walked into a Panera Bread in the Valley on a Wednesday afternoon and now I'm a member of 11 support groups.
Forty percent of car crashes are caused by mid-season finales.
I feel like a brunch with Adele would last 11 hours.
Take your actual name and spell it wrong. That's your Game of Thrones name.
I'd estimate I spend roughly 70% of my energy just trying to stay out of the way.
Just melted down a steampunk to get two goths.
What's the emoji for "sorry for your loss," again?
I have no regrets. Very few regrets. Mostly just doggie bags I've had made up and then left at the restaurant.'
No one ever believes poor Roy G. Biv is straight.
"I am not Bree Olson." - Brie Larson
I like to make my cat allergy seem cooler by telling people I'm allergic to tigers.
Some of these new emoji are pretty cute, but I'm still waiting for one that's my actual dog.
Author of SOUTH ON HIGHLAND (2015) and EARL CAN HURL (YOU CAN HURL TOO) (1993)
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