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Not to fuck absolutely everyone's lives up, but shouldn't it be "Starbuck's"?
Wine tastings: for when you hate alcohol but FUCKING LOVE spitting into buckets.
Listening to Hotel California in an Uberx stuck in Holland Tunnel traffic, feeling like God needs to hire a new music supervisor.
Do you have to be gay to identify as a power lesbian?
Instagram me like one of your French bulldogs.
There are entire genres of movies I've seen only over the shoulders of strangers on airplanes.
Oh man, how shitty would it be if I were like, "it's my birthday, buy my book"?
If I could have any superpower, I'd pick the ability to parallel park.
And just a single shot of espresso for my nightcap, please.
Just the tip?? Um, guys, that's the worst part.
Every single bird is the worst bird on earth.
Well would you look at how amused I am by me. https://twitter.com/WritersBlokLA/status/725059124774486016 …
Just won a basketball at Universal Studios. If you want to congratulate me, I'll be the one holding a basketball at Universal Studios.
The problem is, every time I stop to smell the roses, my dog also stops to pee on the roses.
Elijah isn't driving tonight, right?
Is $75,000 too much to pay for like a *perfectly* worn vintage t-shirt?
Los Angeles is for Self-Lovers.
Prince has died on Iggy's birthday. It's a complicated day for us short people.
Author of SOUTH ON HIGHLAND (2015) and EARL CAN HURL (YOU CAN HURL TOO) (1993)
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