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The most I've ever done is maybe lightly drizzled out of the room.
Man, my refrigerator poetry just never comes out as good as Bob Dylan's.
You guys, it's my birthday year!
It is with deep regret that I dismissed the idea of naming twin-daughters-of-Hollywood-elite characters North Dakota and South Dakota.
Everyone always says my butterfly tattoo is so cliche, but what they don't understand is that it used to be a caterpillar tattoo.
My supervillain origin story is that I got called the completely wrong name at Starbucks one too many times.
I'm avoiding the plague like the phone.
Earth Day totally worked, right?
They said it couldn't be done, but yes indeed, I just got tortilla chip in my eye.
Oxycontin is the opiate of the masses.
Is it a bad sign that this boy put "Blurred Lines," "Baby, It's Cold Outside," and "In the Summertime" on my mixtape?
I'm not sure a single brunch conversation has ever passed the Bechdel Test.
Very wild weekend for me. I listened to all of "Some Girls" seven times.
I wouldn't mind seeing George R. R. Martin's take on a Black Wedding.
I feel like it's a cultural misstep that we've all so callously agreed it's fine that most titles are puns.
It turns out boat shoes also make pretty good shoe boats.
You kind of have to wonder if the Seven Dwarves aren't just code names for pharmaceuticals.
I like to gift people calla lilies and then tell everyone I got them a Mapplethorpe.
"Time is a flat circle" is an extremely dramatic way to say "clock."