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Lions and tigers and unknown numbers, oh my!
The 95 Most Touching White Girl Tweets About Nelson Mandela's Death
My new script's a real fish-out-of-water story. (The protagonist dies at minute five.)
What letter in EGOT stands for landing a Proactiv ad?
Just took a nice little drive down Highland through Los Angeles' burgeoning Pet Hotel District.
Trying out Instagram's new BFA filter.
I've always wanted to join a motorcycle gang, even if it means having to ride a motorcycle.
Just listened to Lorde sing, "I'm kind of older than when I reveled without a care" and then had to give myself another oatmeal enema.
If I could do it all over again, I probably would not have worn leather pants to this gynecology appointment.
Of all its innovations, YouTube's most impressive accomplishment was finally giving babies purpose.
It was always such a weird prank when the boys in elementary school would whip out their Pen15s.
I feel like I've spent a lot of my time as a writer pouring water on a raisin and expecting it to become a grape.
Jesus turned water into wine and urine into Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Fuck headshots, I want to hire a photographer to do a Google Image Search shoot.
On the second day in a row that temps drop below 65 in Los Angeles, every girl you see will be wearing eleven different dead animals.
I am like so OCD about adding up all the numbers in an address to a single digit so that every member of my family doesn't die.
How do you get rid of that speech impediment where you're from Boston?
Here's a podcast that will make everyone mad at me!: http://www.cracked.com/podcast/defending-your-shitty-taste/ …