Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"Mostly straight, but in certain weather scenarios it goes kind of nuts" is how I describe my hair, and, incidentally, my sexual orientation
Made myself a BLT at 8 PM for dinner, and jeez, does my mancave smell like bacon.
I'd never even consider wishing for more wishes, you goddamn scheming psychopaths!
Concerned my tombstone's going to read, "Here lies the Untitled Liana Maeby Project."
Michael died doing what he loved most. Being alive.
I napped all day, hoping my problems would just sort themselves out. Doing God's work.
Breaking: Michael Brown to be indicted for stealing a box of cigars.
The weather in Los Angeles is amazing right up until you need something to talk to your grandfather about.
'30 Things You Absolutely Must Do Before You Turn 30': Turn 29; turn 28; turn 27...
Every time a camo-print designer item sells for more than $1000, that designer should make a matching donation to veteran mental health care
I have two speeds for answering an email: within 30 seconds or never.
I've never taken a logic class, so I'm not sure if, "You can't eat soup because you're a dog" qualifies as deductive or inductive reasoning.
When you meet someone new and are a little confused, is it rude to ask,"So, what subculture are you?"
I don't give a fuck, let's castrate him.
Hey, can we repurpose "If You See Something, Say Something" to apply to date rape?
The woman handing me my to-go burrito said, "Have a nice summer," and I got really excited bc maybe that's code there's fun drugs in it.
"I'm religious but not spiritual." - The attitude behind many of the world's problems
All you chumps out there doing week-long cleanses to purify your bodies. I just down one shot of Fabreze and I'm good for the year.
Just cut the line of dialogue, "Did I do that?" bc I couldn't help but read it in an Urkel voice. The purity of my novel remains intact!