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I don't understand people's need to fill beautiful silence with mindless chatter. STFU once in a while.
If I mention missing smoking & you tell me to chew gum, I've already mentally punched your face concave by the time you finish the sentence.
Okay gang. We won again which means one more night of tournament & I get my nights back to do important stuff like eat my feelings & tweet.
I forgot constipation in my last list. I think it would be in the top five. It's not nearly as dramatic that way.
Hubs & I've been talking for 15 mins. I have no idea what we've discussed, even though I've been actively participating.
I get it, guys.
Taunting?! Really?! Is this fucking KINDERGARTEN??? It's pro football. I think the boys can handle taunting & dry their tears with money.
The preceding was a test of the Emergency Subtweet System. If it had been an actual subtweet, I would have addressed it straight to you MOM
Feeling I forgot something major. Checks clothing, shoes, jewelry, purse, wallet, keys, money, boobs, hair...
What could it be?
Maimed hero!!!We destroyed them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a limb to sever. pic.twitter.com/idMwz6cB
@nativeoutops Imma kick that bitch in the shin next week. She's lucky I didn't chip a nail or she'd be dead.
New coworker: gym teacher cut, tight perm, man hands & lives in a tanning bed. I can't pin down an appropriate nickname.
Help me, Twitter!
It is freezing in my house. I'm trying to keep my hands warm thats why they are down there. Stop judging me, Mom!
Eating my cereal with a giant spoon from a giant bowl because, Pee Wee Herman, bitches. pic.twitter.com/21q5mtVj
Volleyball game tonight. Playing the horse raping a-holes(not the official team name). Can't make myself get dressed. pic.twitter.com/0Ca3XuOG
I've been stricken by a sudden sadness. Nobody writes poetry anymore or speaks with proper grammar. Music has become noise.
I am my father.
Back. You better watch it.
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