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I wonder what his mullet looks like, blowing softly in the wind, while driving his bitchin' camaro...
Top 3 things parents want their kids to do:
3) Be happy.
2) Succeed at life.
1) Shut the hell up for five minutes so we can take a nap.
Relationship status: My hand is leaving me and it's taking the Jergen's with it
I hold my beer like my phone holds its charge, not for long.
Glad to see the guys who are wrong about everything are wrong about Cuba. Consistency matters.
Confederate flags are coming down all over Alabama and Mississippi, forcing many homeowners to install windows.
Do gay people know that married couples don't have sex?
So then I said "how about I stick something in your butt" and now I'm the weird one
Men are difficult
If you have a Facebook link in your bio, I'm guessing you might not understand much about Twitter.
This is stupid.
I don't blame your dog. I have sexy fuckin legs.
The only time I wear heels is when I'm flat on my back.
If I worked at a butchers, I'd always answer the phone "Hello...is it meat you're looking for?"
Another day, another.... https://twitter.com/PzFeed/status/615228678545518592 …
The secret to happiness is don't lend or borrow money.
I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter how old I get, seeing the way my hair looks underwater will always make me wish I were a fucking mermaid
A wise man admits he knows nothing. That makes me a genius.
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