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The power of ass compels me.
Is this the Matrix? This has to be a glitch in the Matrix. Why else would she say she was "fine" if she really wasn't?
Consumer Tip: if you walk into Victorias Secret naked, put the angel wings on & slap your titties together, you'll get 50% off your purchase
ate the cookies mom was saving for her book club. not even sorry about it. thats what you get, book nerds.
"Stop playing with your thing."
- me, to my toddler
The hypocrisy of parenting is unparalleled.
So many wagons to fall from, so little time.
The wifi reception is terrible here. Let's fuck.
Asked a girl to buy her a drink
Her:I have a boyfriend
Me:I have a Goldfish
Me:Thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter
*at the gym*
Him: If you're not using that machine, can I jump on?
Me: I am using it.
Him: You're watching TV.
Me: UM, KAGELS.
You're gonna have to put your pussy on my face if u want the last word in an arguement
Me: But your honor, she spelled it 'thanx'
Judge: Not guilty
Judas: still on for Friday?
Judas: yeah, the last supper
Jesus: the what?
Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas