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Hope all the stuff you bought on sale for Black Friday burns in a fire.
Tom Hardy plays 2 characters in the new movie "Legend."
I hope I don't throw out my back while jerking off...
Apparently my husband's good with still frozen chicken on thanksgiving as long as he gets good head. He's Canadian after all.
Sorry, Pilgrims, but until I start getting laid on the regular again, I'm not thankful for shit.
Her: I wanna get weird tonight. Like extra freaky.
Me: *puts on Cosby sweater, grabs pudding from fridge
Been there, licked that.
Flat bottom girls make the rockin world go 'round too.
Ok we don't..
*googles butt implants.
"BLOOD ON MY KNIFE OR SHIT ON MY DICK!"
"Ma'am, this is Build-A-Bear."
Anyone want to make predictions on Trump's next controversy? Sterilization for people on food stamps maybe?
The hardest part about hosting Thanksgiving for the first time is figuring out the right amount of sideboob to show.
if I ever disappear, please use the selfie of me with duck face and pushing my boobs up to spread the word. this is very important to me
I can't be held responsible for what happens when that beat drops.
A wise man admits he knows nothing. That makes me a genius.
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