The only sex tape I have is Duct.

what happens when everyone is finally following everyone? black hole? time freezes? hipsters die? we're all fired? hold me

A good woman is one who will help you finish when she catches you masturbating.

Twitter: The internet's Trailer Park.

I may be "emotionally unavailable" but physically....

Fucking. Good. To. Go.

Every woman has a little freak in her.

Just takes the right man to bring it out.

Intelligence is an aphrodisiac.

"I fucked the shit out of her"

Let's think about this statement for a moment.

Is this really anyone's goal?

I dated a swallower. I married a ‘get that thing out of my face’.

Spank her? Yup
Pull her hair? Of course
Bruise her? Sometimes
Choke her? When appropriate

Hit her? NEVER acceptable!

I can fix just about anything and have more tools than Home Depot. Yet I always say quietly in my head "righty tighty, lefty loosy".

Slut: Fucks everyone
Bitch: Fucks everyone but me

Sometimes, words will undo buttons and unzip zippers faster than fingers can.

Confidence is MUCH sexier than lingerie.

If you masturbate on an airplane...is that a High Jacking?

Dude, chill out. Your wife is hot, I'm gonna look.

Not like I asked her to blow me.


Out loud.

"If you don't have anything nice to don't say anything"

*Twitter pretty much blew that old saying out of the water.

Today I take off a uniform I've worn proudly for 22 years for the last time. Sooo...how does one be a civilian anyway, I've forgotten.

Here Mom, meet my friends.

Those are the whores over there, the stoners over there, those are the sluts, the pervs behind them...

Do my a favor followers. If you see a cop, fireman or Soldier this weekend, just say thanks, that's all they ask. I know, I'm a Soldier. TY