Going down my TL I see: Scorned, scorned, walk of shame, scorned, no recollection of last night, scorned, how many bottles of wine?, scorned

If she’s squirming, you’re doing it correctly.

After sex, the female lion will go kill a gazelle and bring it back to the male lion.

It’s the way mother nature intended it to be.

Ran a charity 5K today, took third.

I would've done a lot better had I not stopped to make fun of a LOT of people along the way.

At my age, I don't get cramps during sex anymore. Back spasms yes, but no cramps.

My smarmy wit (sarcasm) isn't always appreciated by those less witty (sarcastically inclined).

The question "Why do fools fall in love" pretty much answers itself.

HR says I have to be more diverse.

Currently surfing for vag avis to hand out a trophy to instead of the boobie ones.

Suck it HR.

Chewing my minions ass out then sending her home early is our lil form of workplace make-up sex.

My new workout out video will be titled "Move your fat ass so you don't have such a fat ass"!

I use some of you girls to get it up...and some of you to get it off.

@amyhamnerwalker Not as many as you, but yes.

All too often, it is I that has to guzzle from the big ol' mug of STFU, in order to keep myself out of trouble.

There's nothing "wholesome" about me.

Sooooo...they're trying to lower the blood alcohol limit to ensure we NEVER leave the house to drink again?

After extensive research (not really much lately, I mean cumulative) I've determined that sexual intercourse causes gas.

That is all.

IT'S GOING DOWN! ~ Elevators

I'm going to start putting 'My sperm count is 0' on my business cards. That ought to drum up some business.

Trying to learn braille...two nipples at a time.

Sext: They're not really blue, but thanks for your concern.