I love how sweaty I get after a good @turbofire workout!

Currently accepting applications for a sugar daddy. The guys I typically attract need not apply, you don't meet the minimum qualifications.

Let's all save the ta tas. Monthly breast self exams are important for both men and women #boobiewed

My friend josh doesn't think he looks gay enough since people think we are a couple at the bars. His solution: more hair gel

Down 2.5 lbs this week and feeling great! Thanks @turbofire

Oh god the 16 year old dishwasher at work is giving me a ride home

Do you have a person in your life who is holding you back and bringing you down? I just told that person goodbye.

Don't forget to give the ta tas a good feel today! #boobiewed

I've turned into my mother, I have no idea when this happened. #pleasekillme

My dream man must have one thing. And that one thing is to give me my dream closet. I don't ask for much

Getting hit on in the diaper section of walmart is wrong on so many levels!

Enough of the negativity! I'm going to stay positive and look for the good in every situation. If I bitch, call me out. Got it, tweeps?

yes, i am listening to hanson and i don't care who knows it

I need sex #thoughtyoudliketoknow

i'm a bit of a hot mess of bright colors today

i'm raping my friends' fb walls with bitchy comments.

@drmomma how do you sleep at night?

Did two miles on the treadmill, swam laps, and sat in the hot tub. Feel great!

I had a dream that I was marrying jake ryan

My phone just autocorrected "why are you at work so early" to "why are you at work soberly"...I think it's on to something with this one