@mapwoppa @graffitiofcats well that's good enough for me - I'm off into Mallet mourning (puts on stupid cap and glasses).

I hate golf.
Apart from playing PGA on the playstation with my mates as a youth, getting wankered and seeing who could get it in the carpark

@jeremyshimmin I just send my wife this: ~~o ~~o ~~o she usually gets it....

shot Jill Dando


#thingsjoeybartonknowsgarylinekerdid

@angryplumber not being able to shit right for a week.


(I hear the food is terrible).

#ff friday awesomeness @officialtws @mgaband @emma_scott @oxzide @valousband @angryshopman @blindfumble @midlandsrocks @midmusmaniacs

I've already been through half a box of kleenex this morning... and not in a good way.

the lift at work is broken and will not be fixed until Wednesday. Fuck it, I'm investing in a parachute.

any more boy bands split up today?

I'm planning on my very tasteful Rob Zombie shirt next Friday...

Tonight I feel just like John Wayne. I could kill an Indian.

put soup in microwave. take soup out of microwave. Spill boiling napalm on hand. Shout 'FUCKFUCKINGCUNT!" at top of voice in quiet staffroom

@dastardly_pants fanny syrup?

@tinytwinks did she die? Hope she hadn't bought a bag for life.

“@eliserose5: Just blocked a crooked penis avi that followed me. Why? Because you can never trust a crooked ANYTHING.” @crookeddawn :-O

@ladyfuckwit my nana bought me colouring books up until I was 15 and pinched me when no-one was looking.
Yours wins.

RT @uberfacts It’s possible for a male to have an erection for up to 3.5 hours while sleeping. You knock yourself out tonight @jopalmer1st !

@jopalmer1st @uberfacts aha..ahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

@angryshopman ha! I was truly worried that my 20mnth old son's first word would be 'bollocks'. Luckly it was pipped at the post by 'boobs'.

@jopalmer1st @tinytwinks Jo, dynorod is available any time after the boy goes to sleep....