Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If I know you personally & you follow me on twitter, Apologies.
The fake me is on Facebook. I'm sure you like her better & I don't care.
When in doubt that the country's in shambles...remember that in 1986 Crocodile Dundee was a phenomenon. It just can't get worse. Just can't.
I get my daily value of water from the ice cubes in my whiskey.
Hey, girl with massive fake boobs. Your insecurities are showing. Tuck them back in your bra, honey.
If you wear Crocs, root for the Yankees or drive a Monte Carlo - when my milkshake brings you to the yard, you gotz to go.
Stop tagging yourself a #model on your lame instagram pics when all you've ever really modeled is your roast beef flaps to strange men.
I hope heaven is something like lots of Jack Daniels, zero hangovers and no Kardashians.
When all else fails, ladies- wear a wife beater without a bra and see what gets accomplished in your behalf.
The women that work at Rite Aid always look like residents of a suburb in Cleveland, Ohio circa 1965.
Do not EVER play the "How many people have you been with?" game with someone you love. It never, ever ends well.
Three dresser drawers full of lingerie - For sale by owner. I have a serious boyfriend now. Let the pooping with the door open commence.
Was told tonight by my coworkers it was 'weird' that I drink a 6 pack of beer by myself every night. Ya know what bitches? FUCK YOU.
I collect enough crumbs in my bra to feed a small city in Africa.
Twitter needs a "report dumb whore" button.
You never meet smoking hot pieces of ass until the day you commit to someone.
We get it, Chic-Fil-A employees! It was "your pleasure!"
Every time I lose a follower, an angel violently gets its wings yanked off.
Facebook is one big baby album and I'm fucking over it.
If you love someone, set them free. If they return, punch them in the balls for trying to come back to you.
When my sister asked to be on the pill I did the norm. Took her to Planned Parenthoods waiting room. She won't be having sex for a while.
Makeup artist to people that know who stars are.