Birthday wishes to my daughter and brother, though they're not on Twitter, nor do any of you know them....or me, really. Shit. Anyway.

I'm slee

I got ketchup in my eye today. That was about the highlight.

So crazy how I keep waking up everyday.

If I'm dreaming, this dream sucks.

Rock-a-bye baby, shut the fuck up.

Liquid fiber just seems weird to me.

I'm drinking a vodka smoothie cause I'm healthy and shit.

I'm friends with a married couple. They are both cheating on each other. It's so cute.

Anybody got a lighter?

Watching City Slickers...one of my all-time faves....... "Helloooooooo?"

Happy Father's Day, gentlemen. I hope they're really your kids.

My BAC is higher than my GPA ever was.

I can't feel my toes. Shit is coming together nicely.

Saturday. Getting fucked up is the plan.

Dracula and I are playing charades. He's really good.

@kevin_mcvan @colombianchica_ @insidemissemily @jessicameddows @canadasnobaby @italianbratikus @case4877 @zombiegirlfun @xgreenxmonsterx :-D

I need a drink right now. I'm going to have one. My boss better not say shit.

Have a good day, y'all. I'm gonna go jump off a bridge or something fun like that.

Friiiiday. Hell to the fuck yes.