Proving to someone that you have crumbs in your bra, and that you're NOT feeling yourself up, can be awkward.

Twitter its just a really long episode of Star Whores.

I think, therefore I'm usually annoyed with the mass majority of the rest of the population that doesn't.

There is a noise coming from your face. Please make it stop. Now.

The side ponytail I'm rocking today isn't earning me any points in the intelligence department. But I'm killing in the super cute department

My daddy told me I was a princess growing up, but the lack of media coverage proves otherwise.

My hair is finally long enough to put it up with a pencil. Or pen. Or Marker. I don't judge. Two words: Hot. Secretary. YES.

Your mom called. She wants her DNA back.

What if twitter is like a big crystal ball? And we're all going to die by an Urban Legend? I'm so scared.

It's late and I'm awake... meaning that whatever comes out of my mouth is either not appropriate, or inappropriate.

And for my next trick through the medium of social media, I will miraculously do something.

I have a lack of creativity, it's called a job.

I'm on facebook. They call this a "social network?" no one is being very social... they're just posting pictures and complaining about stuff

Koreans seem to always sound mad when speaking korean... Even if they're happy.

Somehow, just a little, it creeps me out when I post a tweet and then like a second later there's a reply...

My mom is trying to get my grandma to drink my whiskey.

I win at Christmas.

Whoever decided it'd be great to have a show about meercats, HAD to be high.

So I'm either allergic to humans, or just you. The lab hasn't got the test results back yet.

What is with all the 10.10.10? Is it binary code awareness day and I forgot? Again?

You know the alarm that says your seat belt is not on? They need to make one that says it's on so I don't look stupid getting out of my car.