@linajk's (Jane) most faved Tweets...
My biggest problem with the younger generation is I'm not in it.
If you're not part of the solution, could you, at least, make a liquor store run?
While I'm not much of a cook, I know enough to cut sandwiches in triangles to make them taste better.
When setting the table, does the remote control go to the left, to the right or over the dinner plate?
Saw "the house" today. The one we both could love forever.

Looking for "the bank" tomorrow. The one we both could rob together.
He invited me to slow dance. To the radio. Barefoot. In the kitchen. In my pj's. He's doing it right.
Preparing to meet my maker. Mom is coming here for Thanksgiving.
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't even notice it's been set free because the game is on, you're probably married to it.
I think I married a whoopie cushion.
I'll bet the Energizer Bunny has, like, the happiest girlfriend in the world.
If God had had a Twitter account, it would have taken a lot more than six days create the world...
In the mall, asking myself "What would Jesus buy?"...
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a few martinis as a backup plan.
If God hasn't granted you the serenity to accept things you can't change, ask Jose Cuervo. He's a standup guy who has done wonders for me...
All you really need to make life interesting is one good mental disorder.
Guys, a receding hairline is not so bad. An advancing hairline would be much much worse.
Less muscles to smile than to frown? Got it. And how many to ignore you completely?
He just asked me if I saw the kids today. We don't have any.



Do we?
To avoid criticism, do whatever you want, and wear good headphones.
Liquor-mortis. It's a thing.
Don't ask me how I know...
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar