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I will immediately stop listening to anyone that begins their sentence with "I had a dream last night that...".
Cab driver quote of the day when dropping me off: "Is this neighborhood safe?!"
This no-chip manicure I got is the biggest commitment I've made to almost anything.
To my fave red suited geriatric, I want a pair of diamond studded earrings and a bottle of patron. Make it rain.
What I have learned: People who need something in the next 10 minutes, really don't need it at all.
Just fixing copy machines at work. I'm saving lives over here people. Saving lives.
I can make people spill their deepest darkest secrets in the same amount of time it takes a 15 yr old to drop her panties for Justin Beiber.
My former co workers need to stop taking me out to celebrate.
It's so tough being a strong independent amazing woman. Haha, jk guys, it's not.
My life became absolutely ridic in one day. Life is cray cray.
Where are you hiding, bacon donuts?
Big day tomorrow. What you got for me, universe?!
There is not enough water in the world to cure this Tuesday happy hour backlash.
Living my life as a top knot kind of girl, people!
It's ok that Far's cover of Genuine's Pony is still my morning jam, right? Wait, no?
I swear, sometimes I only go to the nail salon to get the happy ending hand massage. You people follow me.
Sometimes you just want to fly to Miami with your friends on your birthday, but don't have a big papa like your other gf's. Times iz hard.
I love playing the magical bathroom stalls game. What's behind door #3 is my fave.
All the stars in the world couldn't help me steer my way out of this kiddie pool.