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I'm the CEO of my butt.
I JUST SAW A COW RUNNING. LOOKED LIKE GIANT DOG BRB
Hold on. I'm writing "so true." on everyone's facebook status and memes.
When people talk about how they love their skin, I get really scared of that.
Maybe I SHOULD be a teacher. I'm so much smarter than kids.
I greet everyone I meet with an "I'm a huge fan."
what if Christmas was tomorrow
do people really live in dallas or is that just tv
Almost had panic attack cuz I thought Heroes hadnt been cancelled yet
I'm running from the President of the United States 2012.
I'm really scared of pony-tailed men who are into improv.
Facebook is a cool way for everyone you've ever met to know about your divorce.
what if u had to count all the votes
This ep of Modern Family is way too political
Someone at work just asked if I was Scandinavian. I was like, "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
The cartoon Doug taught me how to be a better man.
I keep thinking "Cool story, bro" to my own thoughts. It's bringing up some major self-reflective questions.
Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart are reportedly fighting over their dog, Taylor Lautner
ANYONE ELSE FIND THIS SUSPICIOUS BARAK OBAMA HAS NO SONS
SUPERHEROES ARE GAY