the average adult ejaculates on over 1 billion spiders in satan's lifetime

hey i just met you and this is crazy im starved for human interaction please let me smell your hair

WHAT IF JIM FUCKING STRANGLED BOTH OF THEM TO DEATH

god is a playtpus, god is a thug, god is a masturbator, god is a big nascar fan, god is made of soap

I JUST DUMPED POT ROAST ONTO MY TITS

ew i just opened my eyes and apparently life still courses throughout my body, is this someones idea of a sick joke

#YourTextGotIgnoredBecause ive died and i'm a rotting corpse and my phone is covered in blood and maggots and chunks of my own flesh

i'll go on "i shouldn't be alive" but instead of like some near-death trauma i'll just talk about how i have no life and sit online all day

there are people that are thrown into a blind rage when they hear autotune and i'm gonna chase them around with that t-pain mic from toysrus

my mom is honoring the memory of this tragic day in history by playing animal crossing without cheats

picnic attack

we all know you're a lizard person taylor swift there's no hiding it

i tweeted crimson tide yesterday referring to my period and now someone has followed me bc apparently it's some sports thing??

i was talking about my vagina, dude

help him http://t.co/qGsxktH7

wow a really hilarious thing to do is listen to cradle of filth really loud while staring directly at a horse

an old man just told me smoking would stunt my growth so i took a long ass drag and said ".........im grown"

new type of pack of gum that splits into 3 pack so you can keep one in yor purse tape one to your balls and shove 1 in yOur dickhole

orbs have changed my life and taught me so much

i didn't get a dildo for christmas