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I think when I move to england and become a housewife I'm gonna get some whore-ish aprons.
Dear Sunshine: I've discovered how to watch Criminal Minds online. It's been fun, but I don't think we'll be seeing each other much. -Lisa
Internet ads are starting to get really creepy. How does it KNOW that I love Just Dance? How to fuck do you know this!?
I'm tired of sitcoms reminding me that marriage makes the husband fat, the wife a nagging bitch and both of them miserable.
I just realized I'm a young girl babysitting alone in a creepy village on Halloween. Oh hai serial killerz!
Hah, take THAT baby gate. I am smarter than you. Who's your daddy now, bitch!?
Just spent 10 minutes surfing the net trying to figure out why my new mouse wouldn't install when I realized...I was surfing WITH the mouse.
Because I choose to eat at the table rather than in front on the tv...I always end up eating alone.
As much as I hate being sick, I love having a free pass to lay in bed all day watching tv and eating chocolate with minimal self loathing.
On the flight home I was watching Spice World and had the sad realization I dance exactly like Posh. No more nightclubs for me!
I heard a really funny joke today. It was Akons career.
You know those days where it just boils down to a choice of double vodka anything or a bridge?