I think when I move to england and become a housewife I'm gonna get some whore-ish aprons.

Right. Los Camp gig tonight. 6 days left in the country. This is my chance to bang @grthdvd in a bathroom stall if ever there's been one.

Dear Sunshine: I've discovered how to watch Criminal Minds online. It's been fun, but I don't think we'll be seeing each other much. -Lisa

Internet ads are starting to get really creepy. How does it KNOW that I love Just Dance? How to fuck do you know this!?

I'm tired of sitcoms reminding me that marriage makes the husband fat, the wife a nagging bitch and both of them miserable.

I just realized I'm a young girl babysitting alone in a creepy village on Halloween. Oh hai serial killerz!

Hah, take THAT baby gate. I am smarter than you. Who's your daddy now, bitch!?

Just spent 10 minutes surfing the net trying to figure out why my new mouse wouldn't install when I realized...I was surfing WITH the mouse.

Because I choose to eat at the table rather than in front on the tv...I always end up eating alone.

As much as I hate being sick, I love having a free pass to lay in bed all day watching tv and eating chocolate with minimal self loathing.

On the flight home I was watching Spice World and had the sad realization I dance exactly like Posh. No more nightclubs for me!

I heard a really funny joke today. It was Akons career.

@quickandsisi It means he thinks you're funnnnnny! Or, really easy to laugh at.

You know those days where it just boils down to a choice of double vodka anything or a bridge?