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@lisarahmat's (Lisa A.) most faved Tweets...
lisarahmat
Why did the Muslim cross the road?

Oh. So now a Muslim crossing the road is suspicious activity?
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
This meeting just got interesting! They're threatening to take away someone's iPho
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
Of all my body parts, my tummy takes the cake.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
It's as if Americans have forgotten that today is 9/11.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
Here's something you might not know about me:

I bless the rains down in Africa.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
There are two types of people in this world: Those who finish what they start
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
I got so bored at work that I started doing it.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
Who died and made you King of Pop?
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
Me: You know what I love about you?
Husband: Lisa, you're not married and I'm imaginary.
Me: Well you don't have to be so mean about it.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
I planned to buy this $500 bag then I remembered the children in Darfur and wondered what kind of bags they made.
@lisarahmat
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lisarahmat
Where is your god now, roast beef sandwich?
@lisarahmat
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lisarahmat
Yes, sir. I wear the hijab because I'm bald underneath. Just like you wear pants to hide your lack of a dick.
@lisarahmat
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lisarahmat
Is that a banana in your burka or are you going to blow us all up?
@lisarahmat
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lisarahmat
Boss: There're some discrepancies in your report.
Me: There're some discrepancies in your face.

That's how I learnt about unpaid leave.
@lisarahmat
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lisarahmat
Look. I'm Muslim. So you better be glad that was the only gas I released.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
Does this watch make me look late for work?
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
Dear cute guy on the train, I've already written the story of how we met for you to tell our five children.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
I remember back in the day when people didn't pretend to care about Iran.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
I could be more spontaneous if I had the time to think about it.
@lisarahmat
lisarahmat
If laughter is the best medicine, why are they taking me to the mental hospital?
@lisarahmat
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