Guns are going off in the Holler. More dead groundhogs I'm sure.

@mrfornicator It was actually more like a nudge. ;)

Fact: I'm not very good at calming hysterical family members down. Between the laughter and disbelief I just lose it.

Everytime I see a new Mustang, and I'm not behind the wheel, I die a little inside.

It's amazing how just a few words can make my outlook just a little clearer.

At a Pink Floyd tribute concert and wishing I was either stoned or drunk. Or both.

If you say "I trust your judgment" then you obviously don't know me or my judgment very well.

Sometimes my ideas shouldn't be brought to life. They should just stay nestled in the cozy contours of my brain.

Someone just loaned me "The Hangman's Daughter" from @lendleapp - this is awesome!

I was just told I probably wouldn't survive a zombie apocalypse. I would argue, except I think he's right.

#candyheartrejects My dildo's better. Sorry.

I didn't get my husband anything for Valentine's Day tomorrow. I did start limbering up though, so that should count for something.

@clarke692 I'm not doing the same thing in pj's and a glass of wine.

Its hard to watch a football game whose outcome just doesn't matter.

Me: There's no football today. I'm sad. Husband: The Pro Bowl is on. Me: Meh...

Oh no. I post one thing on facebook and suddenly the other girl with my name wants to talk. When will I learn?

I wasn't born in the wagon of a traveling van, and my mother didn't dance for money. My life story is much more exciting. Trust me on this.

There's an intruder in the office listening to horrible music. I have my stapler at the ready.

I think I have Beiber hair today. But don't worry - I am properly ashamed.

How many times can I say "goddammit" before it becomes unseemly?