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People who say, "Less is more" have less and want you to think it's more.
Fun fact: If you look at Donald Trump's hair for longer than ten minutes, a wall will automatically be built around you.
Spoiler Alert: You're going to be just as fat and lazy in the new year as you were last year.
Fun fact: 99% of men who use the word "cuddle" are on at least one FBI watch list.
I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.
I wish extreme indifference burned more calories.
I'm sorry, it's hard to understand you with all of that irrelevance, but it sounds like you want me to keep not giving a fuck about you.
Those who can't tweet, reply with stupid @ mentions to those of us who can.
If you ever have the urge to tell me what to do, just remember I didn't become an adult so I could listen to a stranger's bullshit advice.
I absolutely adore the person you pretended to be.
Can you do me a favor and keep pretending?
I hope Starbucks is paying you to post their shitty coffee on your social media everyday.
If not, you're an idiot: An idiot with bad taste.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile.
Then kill yourself.
I'm sorry I murdered everyone you know & love. In my defense, you did try to get me to click on a link.
Yeah, I've already seen whatever you're gonna show me. I, too, have seen the Internet.
I love you so much I splurged and bought you the fanciest coffin for Christmas.
I'm a medical doctor as llvvzz on social media https://t.co/Lr7gel0veb https://t.co/My3yaICz9g Snapchat/Mobli/Pinterest/PERISCOPE:llvvzz https://t.co/P5y6IZ9x9n
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