Why does Twitter keep insisting I follow Diddy? Do I really fit his demographic? Will Diddy's tweets really speak to me?

I'm not funny like the rest of you guys but I'm here to hand out gold stars like it's my job.

My ass laughed at my skinny jeans this morning!

If I didn't know better I would swear teenage boys had periods too. Geez, they can be some moody turds. Think I should offer him a tampon?

Cats in general are assholes!

13 yr olds friend on fb: I have Bieber Fever
13 yr olds reply: Good, I hope you die from it!


That's my boy!

When men complain about women disliking anal sex, I always think they should go first and see how they like it!

Where's the button on FAvstar for "I remember that joke from when there weren't any personal computers."

Do you ever wonder how the hell you ended up following someone?

Not gonna follow him, eeww not him either, definitely not her (stuck up bitch), ahh there I'll follow him, he looks harmless

Read the Twitter "Rules" in a magazine while getting a pedi today. Apparently, we are ALL doing it wrong.

If tweets are consistently only 140 characters long, why does favstar think it takes so long to read one?

The children of the wealthy are born on third base and think they hit a home run.

Those of you who don't have children, resist the fucking urge to have them. They grow into teen-fucking-agers.

Get a goldfish.

marshmallow guns are fun, my 13 yr old keeps screaming at me to stop shooting him while he's playing Call of Duty, #goodtimes

11 & 13 keep repeating the lines
C: What's steroids
R: Something that makes your pee-pee smaller
C: Oh..there must be steroids in macaroni

One of the finer points of Twitter is the ability to UNFOLLOW MISOGYNIST ASSHOLES!

I love all the different and unusual avi's out here, but the flipping me the bird ones, not so much.

Once again I have gotten off my ass and used my domestic goddess skills to grill an assortment of meats outside in the rain! Woohoo Me!

I'm trying to figure out why people keep recommending I follow more arrogant assholes like themselves..... Oh, they're arrogant assholes.