I wonder how police on bikes arrest people..."Alright, get in the basket" ?

#YallNeedToBreakUp Sam and Ron.

Admit it, once in your life, you've tried to guess someones password and failed.

Dear ceiling fan, if you could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.

When I sing with my headphones in I think, "Why don't I have a record deal?"...Then I take them out and I know why.

Without Facebook I probably wouldn't have wished you a happy birthday.

when I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change... but the direction I'm walking in.

I hate it when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" NOO, I'D ALSO LIKE THIS INVISIBLE SHIT OVER THERE.

You are not a fucking photographer. You just have an overpriced camera.

Perhaps Voldermort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.

I hate when people on YouTube say, ''Like if you're watching this in 2011''. NOOO, I'M WATCHING THIS IN 1500 BC ON MY FUCKING iSTONE.

"fak;lsdfjadklfsjadklfjasdfklj." yah bro. i know EXACTLY how you feel.

The awkward moment when someone buys you a stupid present & you have to pretend you like it; so you just sit there with your fake ass smile

Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.

Ah, Facebook Mobile... or as I like to call it: ''WALK 'N' STALK''

Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face...?

If you're going to be original, be prepared to be copied.

Never ever call a girl fat. Not even as a joke.

Oh I love when someone ugly says "I need my beauty sleep.", when in fact they need to hibernate.

I'm watching pom, and I bet you totally misread that.