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Happy bitter social media day!
(90’s rap beat)
Now here’s a tip for all the fellas/
Chicks dig guys that hate themselves
There’s nothing quite as entertaining as watching a furious shusher be completely ignored by a group of inordinately loud people.
MTV: Everyone you hated in high school, but with a TV show.
Just saw a girl wearing a “Keep Calm and *symbol of a mustache* On” and now my whole day is ruined.
Everyone has a dark past: I used to wear "funny" T-shirts in high school.
“Remember back in 2013 when people dressed up like fictional characters from the 1920’s? That was great.”
My MacBook Pro is now a little over 2 years old, which means I have plenty of free time to read books whenever Chrome or iTunes launch.
If the final exam of this 2 hour lecture course was about the mannerisms and internet browsing preferences of my classmates, I would ace it.
The fastest reflexes I’ll ever have come to me not in a fight or crisis scenario, but when I almost drop my phone whilst on the toilet.
Nighttime tip: grab a handful of Girl Scout cookies on your way to the bed because you earned it after your hard day of eating all day.
Only a few more months til 21! Only a few more decades til the cold grip of death!
The best part about constantly eating is that I’m never hungry because I’m always so full of shame.