I easily let go of people because sooner or later things would end up fucked, anyway.

If you pity fuck me, I'll pity suck you.

Yes, I could care less. You just have to keep talking.

Drunk to the point of slurred speech worthy of brain damage and the guy still insists he's a Latino FBI agent? I want to follow this dude!

I am not cheating! I'm just faithful to a large group of men.

I do my secret handshake with my tongue.

I'm like a puzzle. Well, half of it. I lost the rest of the pieces.

Mistakes are probably acceptable... Or I'd be dead by now.

I'm okay with erotic lactation but only if the guy isn't lactose intolerant. I'm not German enough for that.

It's probably love if you're willing to fuck all of his friends.

I am fucking disappointed at Twitter people. Just talked to the freakiest drunk psycho EVER and he wasn't from here. Is this Facebook now?

Your selfishness is all mine.

Sometimes, I'm bored always.

Drunk guys are great because they pass out after the first round of sex and I can call my neighbor Bob to fuck them. Bob bakes me cookies.

Does this fake orgasm make you look incompetent?

I'm lucky I have schizophrenia to make everything seem more interesting.

So... Romantic people, have you ever actually talked to real people?

I'm the only sane person in this cereal box.

Oddly enough, sticking a lollipop up my butt never made me a sweet person.

Seriously... Fuck this day in the ass sideways and cum inside its ears.