@londes' (Mike) most faved Tweets...
The good news is I won the pillow fight with my sister. The bad news is the pillow broke and there are nickels all over the place.
The kid who lost a testicle in gym class asked me for a pen, so I told him he could use my Uniballer. That's how I almost died in 9th grade
I don't need to drink to have a good time.
I need to drink so I don't realize I'm having a miserable one.
I need to drink so I don't realize I'm having a miserable one.
Add Dexter to the list of shows that make me want to be a serial killer; 3rd right behind Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives.
You think the MJ coverage has finally stopped, then you walk in the bathroom and BAM! - A Man in the Mirror.
Dear Waffles,
Don't write about calcium and vitamins on your box. Simply write "Waffles inside" and I will buy you and love you.
Don't write about calcium and vitamins on your box. Simply write "Waffles inside" and I will buy you and love you.
I think Fergie must have microwaved a Barbie doll for several minutes and then decided "this is what I want to look like"
I wish pizza delivery was done by fat chicks so I could tip them in pizza slices and my girlfriend wouldn't try to hook up with them.
I put my pants on the same way any other Twitter user does: One leg at.. haha.. none of us wear pants.
I've gotten a lot smarter and more mature since I was 8. I bet I could build a ridiculously awesome blanket fort now.
Here I've been finishing last and assuming it's because I'm such a nice guy. Apparently, not only am I a jerk, I'm also really slow.
My psychiatrist told me I need to be more social, so expect a lot more @ replies henceforth. I assume that's what she meant.
I'm going to pick up heavy drinking, smoking, and other risky behaviors to lessen my chances of being murdered by an organ harvester.
Mike completed the quiz "Who's Your TWiLiGHT Soulmate?" with the result "We're not sure, but it's definitely a dude."
Freud said sexuality is the motivator for virtually every action people take. He probably just said it to get laid, though.
There are two girls in the coffee shop bashing economics. But they're ugly, so I don't care what they think. No one does.
Me: "Jeez, she needs to learn to drive." Her: "How do you know it's a girl." Me: "Fine. She or Asian dude needs to learn to drive."
Pandora is very confused. Tim McGraw is nothing like Taylor Swift. Did I say Taylor Swift? I meant Metallica.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar