I'm the only one in this house currently making a person. SO WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE DOING HOUSEWORK?!

Laughing's no good unless it's a) out loud and b) so hard you pee a little.

Me: "So, if you could be any superhero, who would you be?" Jim (3yo): "I don't want to be a superhero, I just want to be Jimmy." Me: *MELTS*

Coffee is a bean, and beans are protein. So basically my morning coffee = protein shake. Look at me, I'm a health nut!

By the way: CSI NIGHT!!! And fake tan night! Who has two thumbs and knows how to party? I think you know.

Just watchin' Twilight. I'ma gonna have me some sweet vampire dreams tonight. Oh, and apparently I'm 13.

Thigns I've learned today, pt. 3: Vanish PowerShot Mousse for carpets also removes fingerprints. FROM FINGERS.

Just discovered: there is NO ladylike way to scratch your boobs in public.

Watching cooking shows while eating cold, leftover pizza for breakfast feels kinds wrong. And also very right.

My old, quite pregnant arse just got ID-ed buying alcohol. BOO-YAH.

Okay, I seriously need a life...I just got a little thrill from freeing up 1.2 GB space on my netbook. Squeeeee!

This family reunion is driving me nuts, and I can't even complain about it on facebook because half my family is on facebook!!!

I just spent half an hour on the phone with my dad, crying. Over our impending trip to Disney World. #pms

I LOVE it when I have something relevant to say to someone I follow, and then find out they don't follow me. That feels GREAT.

Oh, yes. Elasticated trousers. I am finally a woman.

@ladawn You're not lame! (Says your imaginary internet friend.)

You know that woman who got a face transplant a while back? Did her dog eat her face off when she fell asleep once? My hubby wants to know.

I have never seen Young Guns. I am ashamed.

The Yellow Brick Road #followfriday

Blind guy on American Idol isn't seeing anyone at the minute? (Really, is that that the level we're stooping to now?) #AI