@lonelysandwich's (Adam Lisagor) most faved Tweets...
The only thing I enjoy more than being out at a bar with friends is being alone at home with my thoughts, away from the judgement of others.
Celebrating the stuff without all the comments, it just dawns on me:
TWITTER IS THE COMMENTS WITHOUT ALL THE STUFF.
I just blew your mind.
TWITTER IS THE COMMENTS WITHOUT ALL THE STUFF.
I just blew your mind.
Okay, be honest: Who else put out a plate of vegan cookies and soy milk for Steve before they went to bed?
Travel tip: as soon as the plane lands, stand in the aisle, ramming each other with your soulless moron faces chewing cud, you disgust me.
Every time I hear thunder, I count the seconds until I see the lightning bolt because I don't understand how science works.
A laugh track makes it funnier like other guys rubbing themselves through their sweatpants makes it sexier.
It's important to stop and remember sometimes that Coolio was an actual living, breathing human being and not just a salutation.
When I text "K.", I worry my amigos will think I'm asking them to repeat themselves but then I remember that this joke is terrible.
There comes a time to ask yourself "What Would [X] Do?" where X = the person who would most likely do what you're going to do anyway.
Working as a model on mattress packaging requires mastering one of two looks: "About to Bone" and the slightly more subtle "Just Boned".
They say feed a cold, but mine's eaten everything I had and now it's running around drunk in my girlfriend's party dress, singing Madonna.
It just now occurs to me that dropping the 'n' from '-ation' will make any word sexier. Try it. Elatio. Constipatio. Most words sexier.
Blessed are the fat guys in cheap suits who laugh loudly at the in-flight entertainment, for they shall inherit the earth.
I was curious what happened to the bottle of Polo I owned in 7th grade. Turns out the gentleman next to me broke it over his head.
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