@lonesomeaviary's most faved Tweets...
when he said "fuck you, and the horse you rode in on", you should have seen my gay horse's eyes light up
in victorian porn, there were no fluffers, and the male actor was expected to invigorate his hampton between takes with bracing sea air
yes, that is a canoe in my pocket, and no I'm not pleased to see you, because I am currently attempting to steal your canoe
overheard a maître d’ last night: "sir, even if we allowed this style of trouser, you'd still have to be wearing them"
I just fell down a well - dammit! some of these well-trolls are a good laugh though, they're all like, "you should have seen your face"
He said, "how about a cup of 'shut the fuck up?'" I replied, "I'd settle for a tall glass of 'no really, what are you doing in my house?'"
Hope santa's arrival this year dislodges the urchin we have stuck in the chimney. His constant wimpering ruins my enjoyment of Melrose Place
getting up early tomorrow to shamwow the tractor - want 'er to look good for when I drive 'er across that field yonder
the pole vault was invented by farmers using long handled pitchforks to fly over large haystacks in order to catch the sheepdog smoking
favourite summer jobs #1: inflating the Queen's corgis with a foot pump. When they were all up to about 90psi, the rest of the day was ours.
during sex, do you ever get a mental image of a talking chimp in a suit & dark glasses pointing at you and saying "and that's jazz!" ?
well, that's the last beer - should I go out to the store or see if that fruit I bought with good intentions 8 weeks ago has fermented yet?
airline ad idea: Mr T says "I ain't getting on no plane, fool", then drinks drugged milk & wakes up after flying: "Well, that wasn't so bad"
as I stared into the abyss, I slowly became aware that it was staring back, but just past me in a way that was infuriatingly arrogant.
dear Santa, if your reindeers do any poo this year can you clear it up so Mum doesn't think it's Dad when he's drunk from the pub again
Just realised I haven't posted anything for 3 days, due to blacking out. Or is it blacking up? Anyway, I've been busy singing minstrel songs
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