Apparently, the best pickup line is still cocaine.

Let's practice unconditional love in every position possible.

My vagina and I are tight.

Funny is the new good in bed.

Friends don't let friends have sex alone.

If the G-Spot really existed it'd be on Google Maps.

Here's a crazy idea - - -> Let's be thankful of the followers we DO HAVE and stop tweeting about the followers we lose.

I just got this Marvin Gaye feeling between my legs. That's what's going on..

Shall I get you a tampon for your bleeding heart?

I love imperfections because they make people real.

My life's calling; I'm letting it go straight to voice mail.

I'm on a mood swing. Ahhh... Someone give me a hand and push me faster and faster.

Hey you, I wish you were here with me listening to Pink Floyd and pinning me against the wall.

The best guys are stand-up's in every aspect of love and life.

I can't hold a tune on e-Harmony, but I can lay B-flat on my back and sing.

Women cannot live on penis alone....though I'm willing to give it the ol' college try!

I just ate enough dark chocolate to combat free radical damage for at least an hour.

Being in someone's life is a privilege, not a right.

Dear Steve Jobs,

My life needs an upgrade.

Make it happen.

Sincerely,

iMe

I'm only staying up late tonight so I can hate fuck myself in the morning.