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  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.

    • 819
    • FAVS
    Whimsical84ComoSayEskimobggas400mynameshankelle8000huesiemamajanota_lawproteinscollide
    • 727
    • RETWEETS
    Whimsical84MakeItaDooblaybggas400BeLovelyEssenceDeluxxxeOnedana_kujanCMHShoffstallannalapointe
    AlanAymieTheAlexP
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    HEY LADIES,
    Quit making excuses for him.

    You can't put flowers in an asshole and call it a vase.

    • 533
    • FAVS
    cigarinmynameshankNuclearBavarian5haelcanadasandrakspinks4485ericsshadowAWilson52
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    cigarinNOPeteHere254_RoseAWilson52MatthewDNewbyStupidSophia_MouthOfSasscraziisoul
    10InchesPlus
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    The day I see a runner smiling is the day I'll consider it.

    • 493
    • FAVS
    CheekbonzMakeItaDooblayHearyehearyeeruraljulesbrellabrittLittleeLauraaaislandjaimeleemonicawarren16
    • 283
    • RETWEETS
    Cheekbonzajo209Peace18islandjaimeleemacattacatItsMeeReynTwoScoopsofpeaConor_McQ
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    I can actually hear people's spelling mistakes when they're talking to me.

    • 435
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushWhimsical84danielle_0827anthony_ruddBigElitolifesurfer11BobbyAwfulLMFOFL
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushWhimsical84BobbyAwfulNaughtySecmynameshankdjrewmusicJonBakerKacyAcree
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Whoever said "honesty is the best policy" never told someone their baby is ugly.

    • 293
    • FAVS
    maymer755haeljohnenormalUghNotAgainMoronycJaneycoastCliffDuffyqqnqui
    • 176
    • RETWEETS
    Moronyctobatech____BuffyPZWMieteiTheBongosBigRetweetsMac_svuil0vey0ubrook3sherrieyouidiot
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    People only write "Congrats!" because they can't spell "Congratulations"

    • 281
    • FAVS
    5haelMissCurlyBlackskjmeowEllani_BelleTommyDeeseLhazelmotes1peejay_61canadasandra
    • 174
    • RETWEETS
    mogadeetvandana_159thegopujeffreiiicanadasandraTheAlexPcajlagbedeyjfsjrh
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    I like to throw hostesses off by shooting back at them with, "Do I look Native American?" after they ask me if I have a reservation.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    NuclearBavarian5haelMoronycCliffDuffyStupidSophia_annieshellemvernonisburningArtIsMyPorn
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    saltydawg45Cinnamon_RayTheAlexPppattersonjaxtiatweetzTmoney68awordforaword_LittleMsBossy_
    SoapyJohnsonLandon8426
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Don't let a female with a mustache tell you shit about life.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    mynameshank5haelCliffDuffyacwoods79StupidSophia_castabignetericsshadowBownuggets
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    acwoods79LexeeRaeannaKarimSamy98Bownuggetspilot_lou__The_KJMTheAlexPErroneous_Me
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    My theory is, if you look confident you can pull off anything.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    Gosellsomethingnyxgeekmynameshank5haelChrisdajoinerJjkinky49JeffBREATHEURSIGHOmar__S
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    mynameshankMissCurlyBlackszeeshawlThe_GetawayGirlOmar__SEllani_BellecanadasandraTheAlexP
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Still waiting on that Twitter Crush movie, Lifetime.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    5haelCliffDuffyStupidSophia_MFreidkes420blankmanTheAlexPTmoney68TheMichaelRock
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexPScoobdoobleswriterPTtkhan74jnrbtsnfindsamimForEllieSylviamwahjties
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Let's both play hard to get till nobody gets nothing.

    • 177
    • FAVS
    MwamburiMaoleK8spadeRyanMTrudoBoringOldBobLeonidasVistawolveroonmynameshankSummerloveX0
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    MwamburiMaolenerissajuddBoringOldBobwolveroonmynameshankTheAlexPtraceecinkusFrandoggydog
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Bruce Jenner is my least favorite drag queen.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    theJackDumasmynameshank5haelStupidSophia_deepbelchesnursingsratMick_GNARlenothebeachynurse
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    TheresaRamdasKSmithCAthebeachynursefrankj572Amiigatdixiedarlin_RNGalaMarie828TheAlexP
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    When a woman tells you "I hate you" it means she really does hate you or she loves you.

    It's that simple.

    • 154
    • FAVS
    davegray787samanthajunebugmynameshankpriya1861BoscoPorternaomej75haelJohnGat69566813__
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    davegray787mynameshankapplesweatersChicorelliStarJohnGat69566813__SchemerScreamerMissCurlyBlacksFuckhatsoff
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    I'm white, but not pretends to like kale and coconut water white.

    • 171
    • FAVS
    SYDRebel5haelCliffDuffyPINKlVlONSTERkliftermonDefinitiveDavidlindsaynothingManicmommy70
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    Bmittonewife3kidsnodogsJudyBooty02SherBoBerjeffaweeclarkCallmeMrBigsStupidSophia_JarelTheArtist
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Birth control packs are like little Advent calendars for the worst fucking holiday ever.

    • 170
    • FAVS
    mynameshankGrandpaJoe35haelStaciNelsonGasStationSushiNavy_Bean_SoupJennM1284emilydonovanxo
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    GrandpaJoe3SYDRebelGasStationSushiMLEMESHERleoniegregsHannNanaNAaMcAssholesTheMichaelRock
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    "We go together like drunk and disorderly" -opening line to my future wedding vows

    • 141
    • FAVS
    5haelCliffDuffyStupidSophia_MissyBombinoCerinaChildressPARAutoMotivetheevilwriterTheAlexP
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexPburn_the_oilTheBoydPiPAY4PUSSY69bigdaddyrabbitCaseyWinehousejnrbtsnFuckinmorons
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    My mom texted me wondering what I put in my cock pot today, so I guess her and dad have been sexting.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    Jandalize5haelCliffDuffyStupidSophia_UnfollowMilesBownuggetsleolioness0486_fred_forward
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    BownuggetsTheAlexPPmerrilyLEDwig4495Stabby_smurfA_girlygirl1979vodkachromeTmoney68
    WilliamAder
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    You move into the "old" category when your friends start having kids on purpose.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    5haelCliffDuffyStupidSophia_MissyBombinoCerinaChildresstheeflanneryminnie_in_pink7Matteroffact80
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    theeflannerySophLeezaminnie_in_pink7Matteroffact80TheAlexPRuddyIndianTheBoydPafmajbuck________
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    Told my mom I had Five Guys for lunch and she wanted to know how long I've been having orgies.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    5haelCerinaChildressBoobzAndBrainzsgtpd75MLG1958MCaparcodaveh0628DetroitHooligan
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    schwartzieIIIMLG1958fearNloathinNkydaveh0628TheAlexPTheBoydPppprettypleasejnrbtsn
  • louise_vuitton
      megan @louise_vuitton

    My milkshake brings all the doctors to the yard and they're like, you need to stop drinking so many milkshakes you're going to get diabetes.

    • 98
    • FAVS
    5haelItMightBeJimboPushinWeightCerinaChildressskullpuppy11theeflanneryTheAlexPTmoney68
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    DavidWaddleTheAlexPdivadeb99julesxhardingjimdoyalKalvinMacleodFuckinmoronsplease_Sir_
@louise_vuitton

@louise_vuitton
Pro

my attitude is celibate-i don't give a fuck, but i do give great tweet.